Nine years ago today.

Nine years ago today was a beautiful day in West Texas. It was sunny and warm, with no hint of the sadness that would come in just a few short hours.

It was tuesday, I dropped my toddler off at my next door neighbor's, then headed to Glenmore Elementary, where I was a volunteer in Josh's second grade class. Like I said, the day was beautiful. As I was pulling into the school parking lot, U2's Beautiful Day was playing on the radio. Ironically, that would be the last song I heard on the radio for many days to come. And to this day, hearing that song reminds me of that morning.

It was a busy morning in Mrs Williams room. I was busy helping the kids aith a reading assignment, when I hear an odd request over the intrcom. The office was asking for all teachers' aides to report immediately then a little while later for anyone that had a TV with antennaes to please bring them down to the office. For some reason, it reminded me of when the space shuttle Challenger blew up. I asked Ms Williams if something was happening in the news. She handed me a bit of paper that said that a plane had crashed into the Twin Towers. I had been to the twin towers as a teenager and I thought that maybe the weather was bad or it was a stunt gone horribly wrong. At that point terrorism hadn't crossed my mind.

Then the teacher's aide came back with news that another plane had hit the towers and they thought that it was intentional. The aide told me to call my husband. By the time I had called Rick, one of the towers had collapsed and there were rumors all over the place about other attacks around the country.

My husband's base was on lockdown. At that point, I was in shock. My husband was telling me all this and half my brain was registering and the other half refused to proccess any of it. At one point, I found my self asking Rick what time he would be home for lunch. It was a weird and scary conversation. I went back to Ms Williams' room and read to a couple of chilren. None of the kids knew what had happened. Though later, a fourth grader returning from a dental appointment would leak the news to his classmates. So the principal was pretty much forced to tell the older students what had happened. A part of me wanted to scoop up my kids right then and there and take them home, but I figured that they would be safe at Glenmore and i was right.

I went down the the cafeteria and loved on Benji and loved on Josh before going home. I had to get let out of the school to leave. We were on complete lockdown. The rest of the day was kind of a blur. family members and friends calling to see what we had heard and to update us.

I went to the school to pick my kids up and they had their hands full. Since the base was on lockdown, there were dozens of children who either had no way home or no one waiting for them when they got there. Everybody at Glenmore handled everything with such grace. I was so grateful that my kids were there that day. Now nine years have passed. We must never forget that day.

The rest of that week was completely horrifying. My prayers are with all of us that are affected by that day.

8/29/05

As an Air Force spouse, I've come to expect my share of adventure. But nothing could have prepared me for the adventure I'd be experiencing on a Monday in Late August 2005.

When hurricane Katrina hit, we were stationed at Keesler A.F.B, in Biloxi Mississippi. Our family had just starting getting back to normal after my son's brain tumor diagnosis. We had purchased a house on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and were planning on settling there after my husband's retirement from the U.S Air Force. At that time, life was good, Benji was healthy, the kids were happy to live so close to the beach and my husband had taken a deployment to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. None of us had any idea of what was about to happen.

Rick emailed me, then called from Cuba the Friday before. Katrina was coming and we were in the direct path. I was sick as a dog with bronchitis and remember telling Rick, "this dang storm is going to have to go around me. I can't get up off the couch."

My kids came home from a normal day at school that day only to find out that things weren't going to be normal for long. The next morning, while the boys were clearing the back yard of projectiles, My daughter, Grace and I joined the throngs of people lined up at the Wal-Mart. Everybody in line had an opinion or a theory on how things were going to play out. The general consensus was, that it was going to be bad, but not as bad as Camille. That turned out to be a fatal mistake. Biloxi's mayor A.J. Halloway was quoted as saying that Camille killed more people on Aug 29, 05 than she did the day she hit 30 years ago.

That Saturday was a flurry of packing and phone calls. By that evening, we had the van loaded and were taking stuff over to the base hospital, which was to be our shelter. As we were taking stuff up, the security guard at the desk was telling us that there were no plans to shelter as of yet. I told him that was fine. If we had to take our stuff back home, we'd do just that, but we were going to be ready.

The next morning, we found out that Katrina was a Cat Five. I had people calling me all worried, wanting me to just take the kids and bail. Every person I talked to said that they would pray for us. The pastor of our church came and boarded up our windows and we did all those last minute preps. By dinner time that night we were in the shelter watching Jim Cantore on the weather channel.

The next morning woke us up with a bang. We could hear the wind and rain at that point. It reminded me of Ivan, so I wasn't too scared. We still had power, so I spent most of the morning emailing folks, and checking out all the weather websites. The news wasn't good, but I trusted that God would keep a hedge of protection over our family.

The power went out later that morning and the rest of the day was spent hunkering down as Katrina passed through the area. It was hot, dark, and smelly. The De-humidifier wasn't working, so the floors were actually sweating. A dear woman named Betsy was with us and was reading aloud from Laura Ingalls Wilder's Farmer Boy. Let me just tell you all, this is not a good book to read when all you have to eat is cold soup and Pringles!!

That night, we were able listen to the radio and what we heard was horrifying!! Talk of people drowning in their attics, whole towns being leveled, thousands of homes destroyed. The next day or two was a bit of a blur. Hours spent listening to the radio, deciphering fact from fiction. Walks around the hospital to gather news from anyone we could. "have you heard anything new?" became the standard greeting that week.

Either Tuesday or Wednesday, I was able to contact my in-laws, and my best friend, who was in Texas.

Tuesday night was the night that Benji had his meltdown. We had just eaten grilled chicken rescued from the commissary, and I practically force fed my kids a gallon of milk, not knowing when we'd see something precious like milk again. I took him to a far away hallway and just let him cry. He asked if things were going to be normal ever again, and what if we lost our home? All I could tell him was that we would have to find a new normal and that it would be alright. God was watching over us, and no matter what happened, we were going to be fine.

Wednesday, I was able to sneak on a military line and contact Rick. I had no news on the house yet, so he was kind of on standby. However, his commander, who was from Pensacola, said that all the Gulf coast troops were going home. So, when I called back Thursday, one of the Colonels. that he worked for told me he was coming home, I burst into tears.

Later that day, they let folks out of the shelter in groups to check on our homes. When I saw my that my home was intact, I fell to my knees and just started sobbing, "Thank you, Jesus!! Thank you, God!!" I had thought that surely our home would either be destroyed or at least uninhabitable. But aside from our privacy fence being down, we had no damage. We had someone's roof in our backyard, and that was weird, but hey, what can you do?

After going back to the shelter, we could see first hand how bad so many people had it. And what people were made of. Betsy lost everything. Her husband was in Iraq and she had to deal with her home being demolished. Yet, she was the most positive person I met in the shelter and my kids and I will never forget her. She had such a calm about her. Every morning in the shelter, she'd disappear and do a bible study and pray.

That night we all waited three hours in line for a makeshift meal that the chow hall provided. We had cold hotdogs, warm strawberries, and all the orange juice we could drink. It was a gourmet meal.

The next day we went home. That night was a really strange night. No lights anywhere, but you could hear planes and copters flying overhead continuously. It was so loud and so strange. We had the windows open to let in some air, but ended up closing them because it felt like we were in a strange and dangerous place.

The power came back on Friday. The first thing I did was put one of those homestyle bake things in the oven. It was Chicken and biscuits, and to this day, we call it Katrina casserole!! Again, a gourmet feast!

That Sunday my husband came home from Cuba. He was able to rent a car in Mobile and get some groceries. I was so happy to see him, but I was appalled later to realize I pushed him out of the way to get to the groceries. I can't tell you what he was wearing that day, but i can tell you he brought home milk, produce, meat, all kinds of good stuff. I was able to make spaghetti and meat sauce that night with salad and it was heaven. Again, our whole family drank nearly a gallon of milk in one sitting. God bless Rick for bringing us milk!!!

The Sunday after Rick came home, we went to church for the first time since the storm. Sitting there was like being at a funeral at first. There were hugs and tears and seemingly endless updates of bad news. Then our pastor said something about praise and Worship. Blessed Be Your name was the first song that was played. ..> ..> ..> ..> Blessed Be Your Name Blessed be Your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be' Blessed be Your name Blessed be Your name On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be Your name. The lyrics that are in bold hold a special meaning to me. Just standing in that church praising God while we were suffering the same as we would when the sun was shining, it was amazing and humbling. I'll never forget that moment. There was and is so much that God has blessed us all with.

Because of Benji's cancer, it was pretty much decided on the spot that we'd be leaving. I'm a military spouse, who's had to say goodbye to many places, but leaving the gulf coast, was the most heart breaking thing our family has had to do.

We love the coast, but after what happened, we don't see ever living there again. It's been five years now. I'm sitting here in Texas, fat and happy so to speak, while my kids are enjoying all the comforts of home. God has blessed us mightily. Our family still marvels at having air conditioning, power, and plenty of food and water. We're safe and we're together. My Goodness, what a miracle that is.

My Time with FNL

Recently, I had the bitter sweet privilege of filming the final Austin games for the show, Friday Night Lights. This show has been a huge part of my life for the past four years. I'm a fan of the show, but I'm also a background extra. I started out getting booked in the hopes of meeting Kyle Chandler. That turned out to be just the beginning of an amazing chapter in my life and my family's life.

The first scene we filmed was a church scene. The cool thing about that was, that it was REAL! A real worship service going on while we were filming. How cool is that? When my kids and I showed up, we met the most interesting people and were introduced to a culture that I never knew existed. It was like dropping in on another planet. I was hooked.

The next filming was also a church scene. I actually found the nerve to tell a production assistant about my son and his cancer and ask if there was any possible way we could meet Kyle Chandler. After we were done filming, we got to meet him and he was beyond gracious.

And from that point on, I, along with my family have been devoted extras. We've done football games, church scenes, restaurant scenes. I've been a wife to numerous men and and a mother to numerous children. I've laughed and cheered at pep rallies and I've cried at a funeral. I've worshipped in at least two churches and have eaten my way through many restaurants in Dillon.

I've met celebrities, aspiring actors and folks who love the show, and like me, want to support it in the most tangible way possible. How many people get to actually work on the set of their favorite show, alongside their favorite actor? It's been one of those unusual blessings in life that I thank God for often.

That's not to say that all is perfect in Dillon. There have been some times when I wonder why I'm doing this.

The process of being an extra is very much like the military. There have been some report times as early as 6:00AM. You show up on set half asleep with wardrobe in hand and are immediately herded into a sign in line. Once you're signed in, you fill out your voucher, then you wait in the wardrobe line. The wardrobe line is reminiscent of my days in basic training. The wardrobe lady looks at what you have, inspects you and tells you what to wear. After that is all done, then you hurry up, get changed and then......you wait. and wait and wait and wait. Then just as you get lulled into relaxing, the production assistants come in and start barking orders. You're then told where to stand, when to walk in and what to do as often as it takes to get the scene right.

There are times when the weather is not on your side. In Texas, the weather can go from 90 degrees to 50 degrees in a half hour and you have to stay in the cooler clothes for the sake of continuity. The call times can be hard to deal with. I've had early morning call times and I've driven home from filmings as late as 5:AM

There are extras on the set that are so ambitious and competitive, that they'll gladly step on you on the way up the ladder. The lying, tattling and pot stirring could rival any soap opera. And conversely, there are extras that are just there to either meet Tim Riggins, or get an easy paycheck for little or no work. It's amazing how shocked some of these folks are when they realize they actually have to work to get that check.

All in all, it's been an unforgettable ride. I can't believe it's been four years. This experience has changed me in ways that I never thought possible. I'm not afraid of little things anymore. I'm not such a homebody anymore. I have more confidence in myself and I'm more willing to try new things. This show has really taken me out of my comfort zone and for that I will always be grateful.

Some really cool memories...
Meeting kyle!! What an awesome, humble person he is. He has made me and my family feel special and for that, he will always have a special place in my heart. What a treat it has been watching him do what he does best. I've gotten to watch him turn into Coach Taylor. I've gotten to watch him fool around on set and show us his food and throw a football around like a big kid. I've gotten the opportunity to share my faith with him, tell him how I feel about him, that I pray for him and his family, and that I'm thrilled that they are all here in Texas together. I wish Kyle the best and i'm so glad that he was Coach Taylor.

Showing up on camera!! OMGosh, this was the one thing that always surprises me. I never go into a scene trying to get on film, so seeing myself is always a special treat. First time i showed up on camera was season two, sitting right behind Landry. You could see me for a whole five or ten seconds. I was floored!! I've showed up a few more times since then and it never fails to make me all giddy inside.

Being a fan on the set. I'll never forget filming a dance scene on a Friday Night, watching Friday Night Lights in the holding area while waiting to film!! I have no words to describe how surreal that was.

Friday Night lights and my faith. I'm a born again Christian. Since this show came on the air, i have felt compelled to pray for the cast, crew and the show in general. The fact that my first booking was a real church scene, just showed me how this show can be used to connect Hollywood and God in a real and powerful way.

The friendships. I have met so many different kinds of people through this show. Before FNL, My circle of friends and aqaintances were either military spouses like myself, or friends from church, again, like myself. I've met people from this show that I never would have met otherwise. I'm so blessed by the friendships that have been formed over the past four years.

Friday Night Lights and life imitating art. My son is a junior at Judson high school, a football powerhouse here in Texas. Before this show, he had no interest in football or FNL. After watching a few episodes, he became a fan. He opened his eyes to the world around him and started to show an interest in high school football. Today, he's the Judson athletic photographer, and an aspiring film maker. His  biggest influence? FNL creator, Pete Berg.

The cool factor. I can't tell you how many people think i'm just the coolest person on the planet because i'm on Friday Night lights. I have to admit, it's fun having an instant ice breaker at parties. I really do get a kick out of hearing people say that they've seen me on TV.

So that's been what the past four years has meant to me. People have asked me if I'm sad about this show and this chapter of my life coming to an end. I am sad to a point, but then i think back to an interview with one of the producers. He said something to the affect of there was a story to tell and when that story was finished, the show would be finished too. I have every confidence that this story will have a good ending. I'm so blessed to have been a part of it all and I'll never forget it. Clear eyes, full hearts....

What a week(end) i've had. I was supposed to go in friday for my day surgery. its a D and C and an ablation. it's a day surgery that is under sedation that is supposed to lessen my period flow. I went to the preop on thursday and was told to report to day surgery at 11:00 this past friday. Rick and I walked into the hospital friday and it was as quiet as can be. It turns out that because of memorial day, it was a down day at the hospital and day surgery was the only clinic open.

There were two people ahead of me. A man who was already in when I checked in and a lady who's appointmen was an hour before mine.

They started my IV, got me into a gown and told me to wait. We we waited and waited. then the docs came out and told us the man had complications and they needed to keep the OR open so my case would be delayed a bit. So we wait some more. In the mean time, my period started and between the cramps and the gushing everytime i stood up, it was getting to be a nightmare and I just wanted to get this done.

So a few hours went by and I had nothing to eat since the night before. It was getting really tense. Then at about 5 or 6, the docs came out and told me i would not be getting my surgery that day because the man had to be opened back up three times and was now on bypass. I couldn't get mad at that because that poor man was probably dying and one of the other patients saw his family out in the waiting room crying, so what could i do, but just pray for this family.

So my surgery is rescheduled for 7 June, this Monday. In the meantime, this weekend, I had the very worst period ever. I could barely leave the house, it was that bad. The good thing is, if i had any second thoughts about getting this done, this weekend just strengthened my resolve. There's no way on this planet I will go through another period like that if i can help it. Not much new with FNL lately. Between my kids, my other job and this surgery, it's barely on the stove, let alone the back burner. I think this week, I'm going to focus on my kids' last week of school, get my preop stuff done(again) and just relax.

Lots of stuff...

Life has been pretty busy lately. Last saturday, my doctor called. My ablation surgery has been scheduled for May 28th, which is perfect. It's the Friday before memorial day, which give me plenty of time to rest and get back on my feet. i'm looking forward to getting past this and moving onto a healthier life.
My oldest, Josh is now a licensed driver. He went in and took the test about a week ago and passed with flying colors. Oh the freedom!! He's really enjoying driving himself to work and being able to choose where to go at will. I'm enjoying it too. He's a good driver and it's fun watching him be so grown up!

Rick and I spent this weekend on the set of FNL, filming football games. The first night bordered on unpleasant. Between the humidity and the mosquitoes, and our confusion with the call time, it was a little bit stressful to say the least. Saturday night, on the other hand, was the perfect filming experience. The school we filmed at had an air conditioned holding are. The weather was perfect and the field was pristine. rick and i got there super early, were able to sign in, eat and were sitting outside relaxing while our less fortunate counterparts were still stuck in line.

It's amazing what a difference a little bit of experience can make. Rick and I have been doing this so long that we have figured out the ins and outs about wardrobe, signing in, comfort items and so forth. I actually felt sorry for the folks who hadn't done this before. They were the ones who ended up waiting in line after line, hot back aching and frustrated while rick and I hardly waited at all that night. The crazy stuff we see people trying to do on the set is just amusing.

My real job, up at the church has been just awesome. Last weekend, I was blessed to have picked up some extra hours and just loved it. Between toddlers and my threes, I've been getting plenty of cuddling opportunities. It's funny how things have switched up for me. I used to be all about filing, filming, filming. And childcare was great, but it wasn't filming. Now, I find myself on the set, wishing I was up at CBC being with my kids. I guess i'm finally seeing things for what they are. This whole "acting" thing has been kind of a selfish whimsical pasttime, while my heart really is with my preschoolers. It amazes me how many background extras, props with a pulse, who have never really "acted" are all about themselves being serious actors.

 I mean, who wants to crush their dreams, but my goodness, the way some of them act, it's like they think someone is there that night to discover them. You have these little things that dress all sexy because they're sure tim riggins is going to sweep them away, to ladies my age that go on about "the business" and get all dolled up, trying to strut their stuff because they're sure this is going to be their big break. And some of these women are competitive!! Heaven forbid, you get a camera time and they don't! LOL It's kind of funny. or it would be if it wasn't so sad.  I mean, hello!! You're NOT an actress, you're NOT ACTING! you're JUST a background extra, a dime a dozen, GET OVER YOURSELVES!! Definitely NOT how I want to spend a whole lot of my time. I guess it's  not a bad thing FNL is coming to a close. I've had fun dipping my toes into the shallow water of show business, but i'm ready to dry off and get back into the real world.

This and that....

So yesterday was a red letter day for my oldest. He got the camera he's been pining for, for months and he passed his driver's test and is now a licensed driver. I picked him up from school early yesterday and had a couple of hours with him before all this exciting stuff happened and I could feel all the excitement inside him. Way to go, Josh!!
This weekend is going to be all about relaxing. Josh and I will be working childcare, but when we're home, we're just going to chill. It's been ages since we've had just a weekend to hang out, read,  play games or do whatever. I'm so looking forward to some downtime. I'm so looking forward to the summer and having my kids home for the most part.

In the latest episode of "As The Uterus Turns"....

I just talked to my OBGYN, who is very much on board with doing an ablasion in the next couple of weeks. My blood pressure seems to be doing what it needs to on the meds and an Ablasion would be an outpatient surgery as opposed to a hyster. And if it doesn't work, we can discuss the hyster option. So, I'm waiting to hear back on a date and all that. I'm hoping it's soon.  

~~~~HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY~~~~~~

So, this week has been a rollercoaster. After being told that a hysterectomy would not be a good idea because of my high blood pressure, I went to my primary doc and was put on a low does blood pressure medicine. During this time, I've been thinking long and hard about the hysterectomy issue and i'm starting to feel like it's not such a good idea. Both my doctors seem very much against it and really, at this point, I'm not sure I'm in a good place to have something that radical done at this point.

So, I'm thinking about option number two, the endometrial ablasion. I'm not opposed to having NORMAL periods. It's just this heavy duty stuff that's really hurting me month after month. So, this week, I'll be calling my OBGYN and telling him that I'll go with the ablasion in good faith, but that if it doesn't work, then the hyster discussion will be back on the table. I'm not going anywhere. My doc isn't going anywhere. My uterus is obviously not going anywhere, so I have time to try other options.

In other Zello news, Friday was Relay For Life. Benji raised $105 for our adopted team, friday Night Lights, tacklinf cancer. He got a certificate for being the youngest survivor and he got to carry the flag, along with the oldest survivor across the finsih line of the survivor lap. My other son, Josh stayed home that day and finished moths of hard work on the video for the luminaria ceremony. It was a great, but tiring night. yesterday, I spent most of the day on the couch nursing sore legs. That'll teach me to not get in shape before relay. today was about the most perfect Mother's Day i can remember. I wroekd with my threes today and ministering to them while their mommas got to go to church was the best Mother's day gift I could have given myself. I actually told my boss I wanted the summer off on sundays, and then got put back ON the schedule because these kids are just grtabbing my heart ever Sunday. I'm so blessed.

This week is going to be a relaxing one. No filming, thank goodness. I love it, but I really have stuff to catch up on and not having to drive up to Austin this week will be a well deserved break.

Today was a great day!!!

Gasoline for the trip to BAMC----$3.00 per gallon

A Smoothie for Benji for being such a good patient---.5.00

Magazines for mom in the waiting room----$2.50 each

Lunch for all of us in the hospital dining hall----$5.00

Hearing your child's oncologist say, "Everything looks good, don't come back, unless there's a problem"---- PRICELESS!!!!!

This moment and other moments like this, is brought to you by a God who answers prayers and gives us miracles!! Thanks to all the prayer warriors out there!!! Seven years!!!!!! And he's cured!!

After his checkup, we had a hot dog at the hosptial, went to Best Buy to play with iPads and then had smoothies together, while facebooking each other. it was what Benji wanted to do and it was a blast. A great way to celebrate!!

Dr's appointment today....

The good news today is that my biopsy didn't show anything out of the ordinary. So, again, we discussed options. The only thing that the Dr. is really concerned about with a hyster at this point is my blood pressure. Over the past several months, it's been on the high side. So, once I get that controlled, he'll set a date for the surgery. So this thursday, I'll be seeing my primary provider and addressing the blood pressure issue. The sooner we can control it, the sooner we can proceed with getting this done.

Not much new this past week....

Lots of stuff coming up this week though. Tomorrow, I film. It should be an easy shoot. I'm almost looking forward to it. Tuesday, I go back to OBGYN and hopefully get a date for my surgery. ironically, I'm really looking forward to that. I want to plan things and know what's going to happen. Wednesday, we get the all clear at Benji's oncology check. His doc already said that the scans look good, so this is just making it a official. Friday is Relay For Life. There's' still time to donate. It's in my links section if anyone is interested.  So, I'll be keeping you all posted as things happen this week!!

And here's the rest of the weekend....

Saturday morning, my boys decided to hold a lemonade sale to benefit Gridiron Heroes!   They set a table outside and were catching people walking around at our community yard sale. They weren't getting much business, so Benji and josh came up with the idea to have Benji dress in a dog costume. So, there was benji, dressed like a giant floppy eared dog, chasing after cars and people with a Gridiron Heroes  sign in his hands, I mean, paws!! Well, the response was overwhelming! In about three hours, the boys raised almost $70! The founder of GridIron Heroes called me on the phone and asked where we lived and within a half hour, Eddie  and Chris Canales, Drew waters(Coach Aikman on FNL and his family were standing in our driveway, drinking lemonade. It was so awesome and Benji and Josh were thrilled, to say the least!

After that excitement wore off, time was spent in the kitchen, between making strawberry pie and and king ranch casserole. Before we knew it, it was time to get ready for the next fun activity, the Red Carpet Screening of Friday Night Lights! We got there early and just people watched until it was time to go in.

What an awesome evening, getting together with everyone. I got to see some old friends as well as make some new friends. We got to meet Madison Burge, Jesse Plemons, Ernest James(Calvin on FNL) and got to see Drew and his family again. we also got to meet local newscaster, Jennifer Broomes who had some advice for our budding photographer, Josh, who's a big fan of hers. it was a wonderful evening. The best part of the whole weekend was that I got to share all this fun stuff with my dear friend and adopted daughter, Jessie! She came down just four days after her birthday and between getting to talk with Kyle and going to the premiere, I think she had a great time. I know I did!!

Today was the typical Sunday. Church and loving on my 1:00 three year olds. I'm so blessed to have such an awesome job, working with these kids..
So, that was my weekend. I'm pretty exhausted, but in a good way. Tomorrow will be a good day to just take care of stuff at home and just chill!!

Drew, trying out the goods!!

The boys' donations!!

Benji, Chris and Drew

Benji and I!

And then the premiere...

Jessie and I all dressed up!

Mama's girl!!

Kyle was there in spirit....

The Cast of FNL!

Becky from FNL!

Jan, myself and Jessie!

Jessie and me!!

O, what a night!!!

Jessie Tate and I were background extras last night on FNL. It was a great night. All day, we had been hearing about the possiblity of severe weather happening while we were filming. So between our rain boots and ponchos and Jessie's interest in all things meteorological, we were as prepared as can be.

We got to the set with about a half hour to spare and the mood was awesome. a lot of the old timers had been booked for that night and there were lots of hugs all around. It was humid outside and thought it was still clear, you could feel things building out there.

After doing all the stuff we needed to, to get checked in and after eating some dinner, we finally went out onto the field. Our family was seated pretty much front and center. I wasn't feeling the greatest, physically, last night, so I was going from dozing to having to get up and move around as much as I could.

During one of these times I was walking around, Jessie and I saw Kyle Chandler. We caught his attention and he came over and gave me a hug and I told him that this would be so long for a while, as i was having surgery over the next few weeks. He asked what surgery and looked concerned as i told him. Jessie came up then and shook his hand and told him that this would likely be her last time filming as well. He asked her why and she replied that she was going to school. Kyle asked Jessie where she was going and she replied Tech. Kyle nodded and seemed to approve, which is a good thing, because how disappointing would that be if Kyle was not supportive of anyone going to Texas Tech? Kyle's daughter chimed in and was asking about her going to school on Saturdays like it was a foreign concept!! Jess said, yeah that people go on Saturdays and Ii said that if she was lucky, she could so some classes online and stay home in her bunny slippers.

After a few minutes, I pulled Kyle aside and told him that I had heard about his Pilot opportunity and i knew that he was going to have to make some tough choices for him and his family over the next few months. I told him that I would be praying for him and his family that they would make good decisions that they would be happy with. He looked touched and then smiled and said that he would just throw darts.

We went back to the stands and just relaxed while they were setting things up. It was the first game of the seasons and we were so happy to be there, but we were all mindful of the approaching weather and were curious about how things would be handled.
A little while later, Connie Britton and the young lady who plays Mindy Riggins were escorted into the stands. One of the P.A.s took a look at our family and moved us right below and next to the two of them. We got to talk to Connie, Stacie and brad for quite a while between scenes. Connie was concerned about the weather and we spent time talking about Texas' weird weather. All the while, the storms were getting closer and stronger.

We filmed for a few more hours, then were were told to change and move over to the other side of the field. While we were setting up, Jacob, one of the P.A.'s told us that if it were to rain, we would evacuate to a bunker on set. The show was trying to film as fast as they could. They were laying down and pulling up track as fast as they could and were rushing through scenes, trying to race against the weather. After a while, it was obvious that the weather had the upper hand.

The wind started blowing and the rain starting coming down and before we knew it, we were grabbing are stuff and running to this so called bunker. we ended up going into the Quality Inn and sheltering there for a little bit. While we were there, they fed us Subway and we were able to access WiFi, which helped us all keep up with the weather. The weather wasn't really bad at that point. It was really windy and spitting rain, so Jacob told us we were going out onto the field. We were walking back to our places when we saw this far off flash of lightning and just like that we were wrapped.

I have never seen production move so quickly. After we were organized in lines where we needed to be, we were out of there within 15 minutes from wrap time. we saw some lightning coming home, but honestly, I think this was a case of a whole lot of sound and fury signifying nothing. It was the first game of the season, and possibly my last for a good long while and I feel like it was quite the adventure and a good way to go out.
Clear eyes, full hearts....

Done!!!! And I LIVED!!!!

The biopsy was hard. The hardest part was getting the tube into place by passing it through the cervix. It seriously rivaled childbirth. That part hurt so bad that I never felt the actual biopsying being done. It's the worst pain i've felt in a long time.

The good news is that i have a Dr. who prefers to err on the side of caution. So he probably took more than he needed, but better to have too much than not enough. I NEVER want to go through this again. I have some back pain and a little aching around the cervix, but I'm not feeling as bad as i thought I would. I go in on 4 May to meet with the doc and discuss what kind of hysterectomy we're going to proceed with. The Doc that I'm seeing now is booked up solid through May, but i can be placed with another doc to get things done sooner. That's the route I'm going with. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone for all the prayers and the support. When i was up on the table, even with the worst pain right there inside me, I NEVER felt fear. I felt a peace about getting this done and moving to the next step. The pain I went through today didn''t make me afraid or have second thoughts. It made me more sure of my decision than ever. And a special thanks to Charlie for driving me there and back and keeping me sane while I was waiting. She was truly a good friend today and I'm so grateful to her.

It's been a while....

This weekend has been busy. Thursday, Benji had his very last MRI before being considered cured. We'll get the final word May 5th!! Friday, working with the kidlets, lots of fun, but tiring. Little Heroes Prom that night, also fun, but not as tiring. Saturday, we participated in this race to the finish thingy that our sunday school class had. I didn't want to do it. I was exhausted and it was raining so hard that there were wrecks all over the road. the organizer managed to change my husband's mind and we ended up doing it. we came in dead last. I think we might have other plans the day of next years' race.

Last night, we saw the most amazing concert! It was the Rock & Worship Road show, featuring Family Force Five, David Crowder Band and MercyMe. We also got to hear Francesca Baticcelli and Fee!! A great show for only $10 at the door and we had great seats!!

This morning, Rick left for a TDY in Washington DC. He'll be back later this week. I'm going in fior my biopsy today and I'm filming tomorrow. So we're keeping pretty busy. I'd better go get Benji up!!

Today's appointment....

All went pretty well. The doctor was nice and recognized my Vera right off the bat. Is it wrong that I gave him points for that? We talked about my symptoms and we talked about options for treatment.

Option #1, an IUD with progesterone. Hormones and a clotting condition don't go well together, so I shut that door and backed away slowly.

Option #2. Endometrial ablation. Doc: "blah blah blah, ablation!! Go for it. Me: "I don't know.  I hear it's very temporary. Doc: Oh no, it's not THAT temporary. Well, alrighty, then. Moving on...

Option #3, a hysterectomy, Yep, permanent, short term pain for long term gain, risks are there, but once it's done, it's done.

Doc told me to research and think on the options. I told him that's ALL I've been dong and i'm going with option #3 as soon as possible. I go in Monday for an endometrial biopsy and I need to get some blood work done tomorrow, but it looks like I'm on my way.

I know it won't be pleasant, but I'm sitting here, going through hell right now and I'm tired. This uterus has worked hard over the years, carrying four babies, three of them to term. It's time to put the poor thing out of my misery once and for all.

And now for the comedy portion of our program....

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 ..

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5..0 , NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 .
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE ,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1 . Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 -program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

My ultrasound results.

My doc called me today. I have a 2.5 cm ovarian cyst on my right side and there is some abnormal stuff going on within the walls of my uterus,  pointing towards small fibroids. I see the specialist on Monday and I'm waiting to get an appointment for a pelvic MRI. I covet everyone's prayers right now. I really want to get this issue resolved. Please pray for wisdom for the specialists dealing with me and my poor little uterus.
Thanks!!

Today is my day of rest...

Fromt friday through yesterday, it's been go go go for me. Between celebrating Easter with my family, working childcare, and then having to go in yesterday for an ultrasound, it's been busy. Today, I'm not doing much of anything. I may wander out to the library and see about a couple of books I'm looking for, or I may just stay home and relax. It's almost noon and i'm not even out of PJ's yet. It's so nice to have days like this.
yesterday's ultrasound was painful. I had lots of cramping afterward and I felt icky all day after.  Next Monday, I go into the Dr to get the results. I'm hopeful that they can find out why things have been so hard and that they can fix it.

Seven years ago tomorrow...

It was seven years ago tomorrow that my son Benji had surgery to remove a brain tumor. I spent the last precious preop moments memorizing Benji and telling him how precious he is and how much we love him. How happy he makes everybody who meets him. I sent him to surgery knowing that I said everything that needed to be said.
During the surgery, time slowed down and sped up. i remember some things vividly, and other things are a blur. I remember the Muslim couple with their prayer rug, and their worried faces. I remember the male nurse who came in, and called this couple out of the room. They never returned.
The OR nurse would call every hour or so ,and update me. Each call would keep me going for another hour or so, so I never panicked.

My pastor, music minister and children's minister flew in, and played UNO with us. I won just about every game. I wonder if they let me win. Looking back, if I could've seen the shape I was in, I would've let me win too. We ate munchies from a care package sent by the Joy school director, and talked about how special Benji was to us.

Then Dr. Shapiro came and spoke to us. Our pastor joined us in the hallway, much to the surgeon's chagrin. I remember looking at the surgeon's shoes, looking for Benji's blood, and feeling an odd mixture of relief and nausea that there was no blood. He told us that he believed he got all the tumor, but he would have to see another MRI.

I went into Recovery to see him, not knowing what to expect. A very sweet nurse met me at the door, and when I told her I was Benji's mom, she went on about how sweet and adorable Benji was. I went to his bedside, and indeed he was being sweet and adorable. Little innocent, sleepy smile on his face. He was feeling no pain. His tongue was swollen from the tube, and he wasn't thrilled about the tube sticking in his "privates", but he was fine. The scar was a surprise, but all this time later, it's still a suprise sometimes.
The next few hours were a blur, getting him all settled in ICU. Benji's surgeon suggested to us that we go back to the house, have a meal, come back and say goodnight, then go back to the house, and sleep. Best suggestion that man could've had. I slept like a rock that night!!
Here we are at seven years. Benji is 14 years old now. We're so blessed to have him here with us.
Thank you all for your prayers and support over the past year. You all mean alot to us!!

God bless,

The past couple of days

Grace and I had our gilr's night out tuesday night. We went to Justice and bought her a new dress and we went to Vera bradley and bought me a new wallet. Vera Bradley was a no brainer. Pick out a wallet and all is good. Justice was a little bit different. Grace has grown so much that it was hard finding things that fit her. I literally found the last perfect dress in her size. Grace was very patient trying things on, but dang, it was a nightmare finding something pretty that fit properly. The fun part was just spending time together. Grace and I had a blast, just walking around and talikng and just being together. It's nice having a shopping buddy!

Yesterday was a little strange.   All started out normal. I went on a field trip with my daughter to a ranch. It was fun. We all had a blast. About half way through lunch, I check my twitter and there's a breaking news report that my son, Benji's school is under lockdown. After a few really stressful moments, we find out that the lockdown had been lifted. A kid had a gun hidden near the campus. Just thinking about the worst case scenario gives me chills. Thank God no one was hurt. I was thrilled to hear Benji's voice that afternoon and had a hardtime letting him out of my sight. Last night, the boys and I stayed up late watching New moon. Lets' just say that I'm grateful that we didn't have to pay to see it. A friend loaned us the DVD and that's all we're going to say about that.

Tonight Josh, Grace and I worked childcare at the church. Lots of kids, lots of volunteers and all went well. I love my job and I'm blessed to be able to serve this way. So that's been the past few days in a nutshell. Good Friday is such an important day. I'm so glad that I was able to spend it doing what I love best with my children by my side. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I Love my kids!!

They're so awesome. I'm so thankful that I have the kind of relationship with them that they enjoy spending time with me, even as big as they're getting. Tomorrow, Grace and i are going to have ladies night out. We're going to La Cantera to the vera Bradley store for an event, then we're going dress shopping for Grace. Sher's so cute about it. She's been setting out her clothes and deciding very seriously what Vera bag she's taking tomorrow night and what wallet will match best.

The boys and i are going to have movie night Thursday Night, since we're off on Friday. We're watching New Moon. We're going to watch late and stuff ourselves with popcorn. The boys are pretty excited about it.It's nice to be able to share their interests and be able to relate to them this way. I'm very much counting my blessings tonight1  I'm off to pick Josh up from work!!

Wonderful weekend....

Nothing earth shattering. Saturday, we just relaxed and stayed at home. i caught up on some much needed rest and read a couple of library books. The kids just hung out and relaxed also. i took Josh to work at the church and came across a horrible wreck. An SUV flipped off of 1604 down an enbankment. An 18 year old girl was driving and lost control. She was in critical conditiion last report we heard. It seems like just as my son is fixing to get his license, there are all these accidents involving teenagers. Some of them fatal. I don't want to worry about josh's driving because he is a good driver, but still...

Today was church. I ended up sneaking out and going to the infant room. Gosh, i love infants. everybody should have an infant at least once. There's nothing in the world like chubby, chewy thighs and rosy chubby cheeks to sniff.  And don't get even get me started on little round piggies that smell like baby sweat. Oh my!! And the best part?? Handing these babies back to mom at the end of the service. I love my job. It feels like i'm doing something so important caring for these babies and preschoolers. I'm so blessed.

MOPS Cancelled????

How can that be? Today of all days?? Three hours of sleep under my belt, the migraine from you know where and I'm late because i can't find my keys. I go into work and WHAT??? I didn't need to be there?? I could have stayed home and slept a few more hours. Oh well, better to show up and go home early, then not show up and be needed. Then no MOPS next week for Good friday, but at least i get to teach in the evening, then no MOPS on the ninth because of Grace's school thingie that I'm chaperoning. I think a nap is in order right about now.

TGIF, y'all!!!

Yay! Today's Friday!! I'm looking forward to seeing my preschoolers this morning. This weekend is going to be just a lot of relaxing. Rick has to work, so me and the kids are just going to stay home and chill. I like Rick's new job. he seems to enjoy teaching and the schedule seems to be working for now, which is good, because he only has a little over a week left till his break from teaching.

Yesterday, Josh interviewed Eddie Canales, the founder of Gridiron Heroes.  Josh got some really good info that he'll be writing a story about for his school paper very soon. It's a great organization that our family is proud to support.

I'd better get off here and head into work!

Childhood cancer facts.

*Childhood cancers are the #1 disease killer of children - more than asthma, cystic fibrosis, diabetes, and pediatric AIDS combined.

*Childhood cancer is not a single disease, but rather many different types that fall into 12 major categories. Common adult cancers are extremely rare in children, yet many cancers are almost exclusively found in children.

*Childhood Cancers are cancers that primarily affect children, teens, and young adults. When cancer strikes children and young adults it affects them differently than it would an adult.

*Attempts to detect childhood cancers at an earlier stage, when the disease would react more favorably to treatment, have largely failed. Young patients often have a more advanced stage of cancer when first diagnosed. (Approximately 20f adults with cancer show evidence the disease has spread, yet almost 80f children show that the cancer has spread to distant sites at the time of diagnosis).

*Cancer in childhood occurs regularly, randomly, and spares no ethnic group, socioeconomic class, or geographic region.

*The cause of most childhood cancers are unknown and at present, cannot be prevented. (Most adult cancers result from lifestyle factors such as smoking, diet, occupation, and other exposure to cancer-causing agents).

*One in every 330 Americans will develop cancer by the age of 20. On the average, 12,500 children and adolescents in the U.S. are diagnosed with cancer each year.

*On the average, 1 in every 4 elementary school has a child with cancer. The average high school has two students who are a current or former cancer patient. In the U.S., about 46 children and adolescents are diagnosed with cancer every weekday.

*While the cancer death rate has dropped more dramatically for children than for any other age group, 2,300 children and teenagers will die each year from cancer.

*Childhood leukemia (making up the largest group of childhood cancers) was once a certain death sentence, but now can be cured almost 80% the time.

*Today, up to 75f the children with cancer can be cured, yet, some forms of childhood cancers have proven so resistant to treatment that, in spite of research, a cure is illusive.

*Several childhood cancers continue to have a very poor prognosis, including: brain stem tumors, metastatic sarcomas, relapsed acute lymphoblastic leukemia, and relapsed non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Today is a beautiful day!!

We had quite the little storm last night and this morning, it's as clear as crystal outside. I think I'll open the windows, go for a walk and just enjoy today. I'm hoping this is going to be a nice rainy spring. Lots of rain makes for lots of veggies from our garden and lots of flowers. Works for me!!

seven years ago today.

It started out like a normal Monday. We were stationed in San Angelo texas and I remember the weather was gorgeous that spring. Lots of rain made for a spectacular display of our state flower, the bluebonnet. That morning was bright and gorgeous. Josh and Benji, then 9 and 7 were excited that I finally was letting them walk to school with their friends for the first time. Little did they know that I was excited to not have to get their three year old sister, Grace out of bed quite so early.

I had just lied back down for a little snooze when the phone rang. It was a nurse from pediatrics. Benji had an MRI to see what was causing his siezures the Friday before and she was calling to let me know the results were in. She told me to NOT bring, Benji, but to bring my husband. As she said that, my heart started thudding in my chest and i felt sick inside. It couldn’t be good news at this point. I remember calling my husband at work and begging his coworkers to have him call back. It was an emergency. Ten minutes later, Rick came home to find me on the stairs, sobbing, while Grace sat with me, confused. We spent the next little while getting Grace to a friend’s house and driving to the clinic.

After we got to the clinic, the nurse, without meeting our eyes, directed us to Dr Sawyer’s office. The next ten minutes spent waiting for him were pure torture. When he finally came in with Ben’s records, he didn’t seem to know what to say. I remember asking him something, to which he answered, "We’ll talk." At that point, I asked why he couldn’t just tell us what was going on. Then he said the words that would change our lives forever. "Benji has a brain tumor." I remember looking over at Rick and he had the most PLEASANT look on his face. Almost as if Dr. Sawyer just told him it was going to rain. His expression just stayed the same. Dr Sawyer, then started saying words like cancer, surgery, astrocytoma, Cooks medical center. Words that made no sense and didn’t fit into OUR family. All I could think was "My God, this is how we’re going to lose him." We’re going to LOSE him. I had never heard of anyone survivng a brain tumor. I felt so sad that he would not get to do all those normal things. I worried about how Josh would take possibly losing his best friend. I wondered if Grace would remember the brother who called her goose and loved her so much. This is what it’s like to be told your child has cancer.

I called Glenmore and a secretary answered the phone. I blurted out the news and she put the school counselor on the phone immediately. We then went to the school and talked with her about the situation and how we would tell Benji his life as he knew it was over. Again, it struck me how utterly gorgeous the weather was that day. I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted him to have that innocence.It was like if I didn’t tell him, then it wasn’t real.

The rest of that day was a flurry of phone calls and appointments to get Benji ready for surgery. Opthamology, Neurology, neurosurgery, oncology. The list of appointments grew. We made arrangements for my mother in law to come care for Josh and Grace while we dealt with Benji. That evening we took the kids to the park. I sat and stared and prayed. I prayed almost constantly during that time. Nothing eloquent, just please God, let me keep him. . That day was a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Everytime I woke up that night, it was just "Please God, Please God. over and over.

Benji’s school handled everything so graciously. His teacher and the school counselor told his first grade class and they all hugged a teddy bear to send with Benji. One of Benji’s teachers said that the counselor called a meeting with every teacher that had worked with the boys. this teacher said that everyone was devastated. I was devastated to hear this because I just wanted my child to be one of the gang, not the child with the brain tumor. The school raised three hundred dollars in two hours. This enabled us to pay for lodging while waiting to get into the Ronald McDonald house.

Benji was actually able to go to school during this time between appointments. One day was April Fools day. What I wouldn’t have given to be able to say April Fools. This is all a joke. We wore out a path between Angelo and Dallas. The Bluebonnets were spectactular that year, but i barely noticed. His surgery was April Fourth and praise God, he’s been tumor free ever since.

We live in San Antonio now. Benji is 14.. The bluebonnets are out and they remind me of that sad time seven years ago when I thought I would lose my child. Then I look over and I see Benji, with his fuzzy hair, freckles, and snarky little attitude and i don’t feel so sad anymore.

I feel grateful that Benji is here with us and able to enjoy the bluebonnets with the rest of his family! Thank you, God!!!

Benji will be participating in this years’ Relay For life. For more info on how you can support him in his journey, click on the relay link in my profile.

My name is Loriann and I'm a bookworm!

I LOVE to read. I can curl up with a book and finish it in one sitting. The Schertz library and the U.C libraries are my homes away from home. Before i discovered the joy of my local libraries, I would wait and buy the paperback. I have tons of paperbacks just sitting here. Now i'm all about getting the books from the library as soon as they're released. No more paperbacks. I'm all about the enduring heaviness of a hardback, the absolute substance of it. the thicker, the better.

I just read a book called Shanghai Girls by Lisa See. It was a good read, but a bit slow at times. Now, i'm just starting Look Again, by Lisa Scottoline. I'll be sure to give you all my thoughts after i read it. seems intriguing so far.

Bittersweet...

Last week was spring break in our house. With three kids in three different schools, spring break is a welcome respite from the usual routines. We ususally sleep in and go out to different places for lunch. We hang out together and have sleepovers with friends and whatnot.

 Seven years ago, spring break was perfect. The kids were still little, so a trip to Mr. Gatti's and Unidad park was a special treat. We had friends over for playdates and enjoyed the beautifil San Angelo weather.

A week later, we found out that our Benji had a brain tumor. It was a day that changed our family forever. He's 14 now and is taller than me. He's healthy and smart and thank God for him every day.
We still love spring break, but in the back of my mind, I go right back to seven years ago. It makes each spring break with my kids all that much sweeter.

Today was about perfect!

This morning at church, I got to watch Grace lead worship, along with the Mwangaza children's Choir from Uganda. Amazing stuff. Then I went and held a few babies. OMGoodness, there were some precious little ones there. One lambchop in particular had a Texas Tech bag, so I was telling him all about how important it was that he find his inner pirate. 
Then I worked with the three year old class. Lots of fun, lots of wisdom coming from these little ones. Too cute.
Then home, then haircuts for the men. then dinner at Garcia's. Overall a wonderful day. It went by fast.

The good, the bad, the ugly....

Good: Woke up during a storm, did not have to get out of my warm dry bed. Rusty came in and cuddled up beside me and his purring put me back to sleep. Got to watch Josh and benji's movie premiere today, along with a roomful of family and friends. I'm every bit the proud mama.

Bad: Same bad female problem as last month and the month before that. Thank God i'm getting this checked out soon and hopefully resolved.

Ugly: See above. Bad female problems+busy schedule away from a bathroom=STRESS and crankiness. Here's hoping tomorrow will be better!

yesterday....

was different. i got booked for this show called Generation Y. Josh and I got to the set at about sunrise. different show, different network, same issues. Waiting in numerous lines, sitting for hours, waiting to shoot a five minute scene. oh well, it was easy money. This show is definitely NOT FNL, in the SLIGHTEST. That's all I'm going to say to avoid offending or hurting feelings out there. We're just relaxing and staying home today. I'm enjoying the gorgeous weather.

This weekend.....

Was good. I worked at church Saturday night and yesterday for the 1:00 service. Yesterday was a challange. I don't like chaos. I don't like walking into a situation where the kids are in charge of the adults and there's no structure or order. It drives me absolutely crazy. My boss had me check rooms at the beginning of my shift yesterday and my the time i went back into my room, it was a disaster. The other teacher, bless her heart, just let chaos come in and have its way. It wasn't pretty.

Today's the start of spring break. I'm very happy to have some downtime with my kids. They've been working hard. The weather is supposed to be decnt, maybe one day of rain. Spring break always brings back the memories though. it was right after spring break of '03 that my Benji was diagnosed with his brain tumor. During the break, I had no clue what was coming, but I really felt like it needed to be a special spring break. I took the kids out every day to somewhere fun. I had their friends come over. we slept in and just relaxed. It was a great week. I hope this week will be just as fun.  Only minus the brain tumor.

Today was a good day.

very busy. I took Josh to the dentist and from there, it seemed like constant errands and chaos. To top it all off, Grace hurt herself in Kickball today. She jammed her pinky backwards. So, being that tomorrow is the last day before spring break, I'm keeping her home. I'll bring her into work with me in the morning, then after lunch we'll go to the library and just chill among the books. I love to read. I hope i can find some good things tomorrow.

Buwahaha!!!

I'm about to mess with my oldest. he's home for a dental procedure and he's slept in just a little too long for my liking, so I have iTunes playing some of his very least favorite songs. He HATES Black Eyed Peas, so me thinks I need to play "I've Gotta Feeling" at top volume!!

I've got nothin'!!!

The bad thing about a blog is that it needs updates. Only sometimes, there' absolutely NOTHING worth blogging about. Today's been one of those days. So, goodnight for now and God bless. Perhaps something will inspre me tomorrow!!

My babies are growing up!!

Josh is 16, driving and started his first real job tonight, up at the church. Benji is as tall as i am and needs to shave and Grace is now ten. I always thought that I'd dread the changes and the growing, but I'm finding that I like watching how my kids are turning out. Sure, every now and then, I get baby fever and I miss having little ones, but then again, not so much.
I feel like I discovered a huge secret. I don't need to mourn what was, I just need to enjoy what is and embrace my kids' growing independence. In doing that, it frees me up to really enjoy the moments with my kids. Like driving with Josh and talking about Zombies, being Benji's iPod buddy and trading apps and songs together and reading in bed, while Grace cuddles up next to me, reading too. These are pleasures that I get to enjoy more and more as they get older.

So for the past few months, my cycle has turned on me. Bad cramps, migraines, you name it. Due to a clotting disorder, I can't go on hormones to regulate things. So, there are a couple of options open to me. An endometrial Ablation or quite possibly, a hysterectomy. My doctor put in a consult for an ultrasound  and an appointment with a specialist. I'd love to have this problem taken care of ASAP, but i have a very busy spring coming up. Between filming FNL and some events that are tied in, family things and just life in general, I don't have time to be laid up. Thankfully, FNL has seemed to run its course and will be wrapping up by June or July. I don't want to stop filming. I feel committed to stick with this show until the final wrap. I'm hopng my health holds out that long. I guess we shall see.

I'm sad to see FNL go, but i feel like it's time that we all moved on. Five seasons is an impressive run for a show that frankly was not expected to make it through its first season. Knowing this far in advance that the show is ending will give the writers a chance to end this story well. I wouldn't want to read a book that was missing the last chapter and I expect no less from FNL.

Interesting news about filming. the Texas Film Commission recently made it mandatory for all extras to have proof of Texas state residency. I'm thrilled about that and think it's about time. I've read too much online about fans coming in and getting booked from all over the place and as a result, those of us who have been loyal to the show from day one are getting shoved aside. Being an extra is a job. It's not a meet and greet or a fan club event. It's a real show and the extras get booked to make money. Some of us, like me, have other jobs and this is just play money, but there are those of us who are really pursuing a career in acting. There are some of us who need the extra money that this job provides. And to be told that they can't work because someone from somewhere else wants to meet "Tim Riggins" is like a slap in the face. This is a Texas show and the opportunities it provides for employment belong to us Texans first and foremost. I'm so glad that the Texas film Commission agrees with me on this issue.

I'm looking forward to seeing how it all ends and i'm looking forward to the next phase of my life. I'll be going back to work with my preschoolers on a more consistent basis after FNL wraps. I've actually worked with the preschoolers so long, that i'm watching these kids grow up before my eyes. it's precious to be able to teach tham about Jesus. It gives me chills to know that someday when these kids look back on this time, they'll probably remember me. How cool is that?

Wow!!! I just looked at my last blog post and it's been such a long time. My kids are three years older and so am I. So much has happened since then. I've become a background extra on my favorite show, Friday Night Lights. it's been an awesome experience that I'll never forget. We're now retired from the Air Force and and happily settled in texas for the long haul. I now have two teenagers in the house. one of which is soon to get his driver's license. Kids grow up fast. Well, I promise to try harder to blog more often.