It was 16 years ago today that my son Benji had surgery to remove a brain tumor. I spent the last precious preop moments memorizing Benji and telling him how precious he is and how much we love him. How happy he makes everybody who meets him. I sent him to surgery knowing that I said everything that needed to be said.
During the surgery, time slowed down and sped up. i remember some things vividly, and other things are a blur. I remember the Muslim couple with their prayer rug, and their worried faces. I remember the male nurse who came in, and called this couple out of the room. They never returned.
The OR nurse would call every hour or so and update me. Each call would keep me going for another hour or so, so I never panicked.
My pastor, music minister and children's minister flew in, and played UNO with us. I won just about every game. I wonder if they let me win. Looking back, if I could've seen the shape I was in, I would've let me win too. We ate munchies from a care package sent by the Joy school director, and talked about how special Benji was to us.
Then Dr. Shapiro came and spoke to us. Our pastor joined us in the hallway, much to the surgeon's annoyance. I remember looking at the surgeon's shoes, looking for Benji's blood, and feeling an odd mixture of relief and nausea that there was no blood. He told us that he believed he got all the tumor, but he would have to see another MRI.
I went into Recovery to see him, not knowing what to expect. A very sweet nurse met me at the door, and when I told her I was Benji's mom, she went on about how sweet and adorable Benji was. I went to his bedside, and indeed he was being sweet and adorable. Little innocent, sleepy smile on his face.
He was feeling no pain. His tongue was swollen from the tube, and he wasn't thrilled about the tubes sticking out of him but he was fine. The scar was a surprise, but all this time later, it's still a suprise sometimes.
The next few hours were a blur, getting him all settled in ICU. Benji's surgeon suggested to us that we go back to the house, have a meal, come back and say goodnight, then go back to the house, and sleep. Best suggestion that man could've had.
I slept like a rock that night!!
Here we are at 16 years. Benji is 23 years old now. We're so blessed to have him here with us. Way to go, Benji! We love you.
March 24, 2003 started out like a normal Monday. We were stationed in San Angelo Texas and I remember the weather was gorgeous that spring. Lots of rain made for a spectacular display of our state flower, the bluebonnet. That morning was bright and gorgeous.
Josh and Benji, then 9 and 7 were excited that I finally was letting them walk to school with their friends for the first time. Little did they know that I was excited to not have to get their three year old sister, Grace out of bed quite so early.
I had just laid back down for a little snooze when the phone rang. It was a nurse from pediatrics. Benji had an MRI to see what was causing his siezures the Friday before and she was calling to let me know the results were in. She told me to NOT bring Benji, but to bring my husband. As she said that, my heart started thudding in my chest and I felt sick inside. It couldn’t be good news at this point. I remember calling my husband at work and begging his coworkers to have him call back. It was an emergency. Ten minutes later, Rick came home to find me on the stairs, sobbing, while Grace sat with me, confused. We spent the next little while getting Grace to a friend’s house and driving to the clinic. After we got to the clinic, the nurse, without meeting our eyes, directed us to Dr Sawyer’s office.
The next ten minutes spent waiting for him were pure torture. When he finally came in with Ben’s records, he didn’t seem to know what to say. I remember asking him something, to which he answered, "We’ll talk." At that point, I asked why he couldn’t just tell us what was going on. Then he said the words that would change our lives forever. "Benji has a brain tumor." I remember looking over at Rick and he had the calmest look on his face. Almost as if Dr. Sawyer just told him it was going to rain. His expression just stayed the same. Dr Sawyer, then started saying words like cancer, surgery, astrocytoma, Cooks medical center. Words that made no sense and didn’t fit into OUR family. All I could think was "My God, this is how we’re going to lose him." We’re going to LOSE him. I had never heard of anyone surviving a brain tumor. I felt so sad that he would not get to do all those normal things. I worried about how Josh would take possibly losing his best friend. I wondered if Grace would remember the brother who called her goose and loved her so much. This is what it’s like to be told your child has cancer.
I called Glenmore Elementary and a secretary answered the phone. I blurted out the news and she put the school counselor on the phone immediately. We then went to the school and talked with her about the situation and how we would tell Benji his life as he knew it was over. Again, it struck me how utterly gorgeous the weather was that day. I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted him to have that innocence.It was like if I didn’t tell him, then it wasn’t real.
The rest of that day was a flurry of phone calls and appointments to get Benji ready for surgery. Opthamology, Neurology, neurosurgery, oncology. The list of appointments grew. We made arrangements for my mother in law to come care for Josh and Grace while we dealt with Benji. That evening we took the kids to the park. I sat and stared and prayed. I prayed almost constantly during that time. Nothing eloquent, just please God, let me keep him. . That day was a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Everytime I woke up that night, it was just "Please God, Please God. over and over.
Benji’s school handled everything so graciously. His teacher and the school counselor told his first grade class and they all hugged a teddy bear to send with Benji.
One of Benji’s teachers said that the counselor called a meeting with every teacher that had worked with the boys. this teacher said that everyone was devastated. I was devastated to hear this because I just wanted my child to be one of the gang, not the child with the brain tumor.
The school raised three hundred dollars in two hours. This enabled us to pay for lodging while waiting to get into the Ronald McDonald house. Benji was actually able to go to school during this time between appointments.
One day was April Fools day. What I wouldn’t have given to be able to say April Fools. This is all a joke. We wore out a path between Angelo and Dallas. The Bluebonnets were spectactular that year, but I barely noticed.
His surgery was April Fourth and praise God, he’s been tumor free ever since. We live in San Antonio now. Benji is 22. Today he and I are spending the day together. The bluebonnets are out and they remind me of that sad time all those years ago when I thought I would lose my child.
Well, now this child is all grown up, is living his best life, working full time and has moved out on his own. I'm so thankful for Benji and the amazing young man he's become. I love you, Benji! #endchildhoodcancer
In March of this year, I had an amazing opportunity to go and serve in hurricane damaged Puerto Rico with an incredible team of people. While we were there, we helped lay foundation and pour concrete for a sister church that was heavily damaged. Being over there, serving and leaning on my faith changed me in ways I never expected.
This experience blessed me so much that I’m feeling called to go back. There’s another team going in July to help rebuild with the same church. God has been telling me very clearly that I am not done there and that He is not done using me there.
So I’m coming to you once again to ask humbly for you to partner with me on this next trip. Our team goal is $15,000. Any amount donated would be a blessing and greatly appreciated. If you feel led to donate, here’s what you can do.
Donate Online:
https://rccc.ccbchurch.com/goto/forms/394/responses/new
Please include my name and select Puerto Rico Mission trip
Or
Mail checks to:
River City Community Church
16765 Lookout Rd
Selma, Texas 78154
(Include my name, Loriann Zello, in the memo)
Again, thank you so much for your prayers and support. God bless.
Thank you,
Loriann Zello
I’m a woman, a wife, a mother, a teacher, a fan of Timeless, and most importantly, a Christian. My faith is so very important to me and tends to color the way I look at the world. When I look at my entertainment choices, my faith drives the bus. I’ve always been fascinated with history and time travel and Timeless fits those likes very nicely. Not only the historical time travel aspect, but the human aspect as well.
The cast contains a historian, a soldier, a techie, a man bent on revenge and an array of supporting characters. Each week, the time team goes back to try and change or preserve history as needed to save the world as we know it. Each week, moral and ethical dilemmas are discussed and dealt with. Once in a while, fate, free will, destiny and faith in God will come up.
Last season, our antagonist, played brilliantly by Goran Višnjić, sat in a church and pondered the whole God vs fate vs free will conundrum intelligently and respectfully. One episode later, he was at his rock bottom, saying that he prayed to God and he was led to that point. The historian, played by Abigail Spencer, countered with, “what if God led you to me?” It was a very powerful moment in the series, not preachy, not disrespectful, just raising questions about faith in general.
Last night, Rufus, played by Malcom Barrett, stated that he doesn’t believe in God. He watched his mother pray every night for their circumstances to change and in the end, Rufus stated that he was the one who changed his circumstances. Again, not disrespectful, just painfully honest in the context of the show.
So imagine my surprise when I see an article this morning, stating that Timeless mocks Christianity. I sat and thought back to the series and what I’ve seen and I’m not seeing mocking.
I’m seeing flawed humans, trying to understand life. I’m seeing diversity with belief systems. I’m seeing good and bad human choices being made. I’m seeing consequences of these choices. I’m seeing strength and I’m seeing a whole lot of grace and forgiveness. Not once have I seen any belief system, Christian or otherwise be mocked and disrespected.
One of the things that this show prides itself on, and I see the writers really honor, Is the diversity in its characters and how they’re portrayed. Last nights episode was no different.
As a a television viewer, I love this show. As a Christian, I pray for this show to continue and I pray for its cast, crew and writers regularly. I pray that good stories will be able to continue to be told in an intelligent way that makes people think even after the final credits roll.
It was 15 years ago today that my son Benji had surgery to remove a brain tumor. I spent the last precious preop moments memorizing Benji and telling him how precious he is and how much we love him. How happy he makes everybody who meets him. I sent him to surgery knowing that I said everything that needed to be said.
During the surgery, time slowed down and sped up. i remember some things vividly, and other things are a blur. I remember the Muslim couple with their prayer rug, and their worried faces. I remember the male nurse who came in, and called this couple out of the room. They never returned.
The OR nurse would call every hour or so and update me. Each call would keep me going for another hour or so, so I never panicked.
My pastor, music minister and children's minister flew in, and played UNO with us. I won just about every game. I wonder if they let me win. Looking back, if I could've seen the shape I was in, I would've let me win too.
We ate munchies from a care package sent by the Joy school director, and talked about how special Benji was to us.
Then Dr. Shapiro came and spoke to us. Our pastor joined us in the hallway, much to the surgeon's annoyance. I remember looking at the surgeon's shoes, looking for Benji's blood, and feeling an odd mixture of relief and nausea that there was no blood. He told us that he believed he got all the tumor, but he would have to see another MRI.
I went into Recovery to see him, not knowing what to expect. A very sweet nurse met me at the door, and when I told her I was Benji's mom, she went on about how sweet and adorable Benji was. I went to his bedside, and indeed he was being sweet and adorable. Little innocent, sleepy smile on his face. He was feeling no pain. His tongue was swollen from the tube, and he wasn't thrilled about the tubes sticking out of him but he was fine. The scar was a surprise, but all this time later, it's still a suprise sometimes.
The next few hours were a blur, getting him all settled in ICU.
Benji's surgeon suggested to us that we go back to the house, have a meal, come back and say goodnight, then go back to the house, and sleep. Best suggestion that man could've had.
I slept like a rock that night!!
Here we are at 15 years. Benji is 22 years old now. We're so blessed to have him here with us. Way to go, Benji! We love you.
March 24, 2003 started out like a normal Monday. We were stationed in San Angelo Texas and I remember the weather was gorgeous that spring. Lots of rain made for a spectacular display of our state flower, the bluebonnet. That morning was bright and gorgeous.
Josh and Benji, then 9 and 7 were excited that I finally was letting them walk to school with their friends for the first time. Little did they know that I was excited to not have to get their three year old sister, Grace out of bed quite so early.
I had just laid back down for a little snooze when the phone rang. It was a nurse from pediatrics. Benji had an MRI to see what was causing his siezures the Friday before and she was calling to let me know the results were in. She told me to NOT bring Benji, but to bring my husband. As she said that, my heart started thudding in my chest and I felt sick inside. It couldn’t be good news at this point. I remember calling my husband at work and begging his coworkers to have him call back. It was an emergency. Ten minutes later, Rick came home to find me on the stairs, sobbing, while Grace sat with me, confused. We spent the next little while getting Grace to a friend’s house and driving to the clinic. After we got to the clinic, the nurse, without meeting our eyes, directed us to Dr Sawyer’s office.
The next ten minutes spent waiting for him were pure torture. When he finally came in with Ben’s records, he didn’t seem to know what to say. I remember asking him something, to which he answered, "We’ll talk." At that point, I asked why he couldn’t just tell us what was going on. Then he said the words that would change our lives forever. "Benji has a brain tumor." I remember looking over at Rick and he had the calmest look on his face. Almost as if Dr. Sawyer just told him it was going to rain. His expression just stayed the same. Dr Sawyer, then started saying words like cancer, surgery, astrocytoma, Cooks medical center. Words that made no sense and didn’t fit into OUR family. All I could think was "My God, this is how we’re going to lose him." We’re going to LOSE him. I had never heard of anyone surviving a brain tumor. I felt so sad that he would not get to do all those normal things. I worried about how Josh would take possibly losing his best friend. I wondered if Grace would remember the brother who called her goose and loved her so much. This is what it’s like to be told your child has cancer.
I called Glenmore Elementary and a secretary answered the phone. I blurted out the news and she put the school counselor on the phone immediately. We then went to the school and talked with her about the situation and how we would tell Benji his life as he knew it was over. Again, it struck me how utterly gorgeous the weather was that day. I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted him to have that innocence.It was like if I didn’t tell him, then it wasn’t real.
The rest of that day was a flurry of phone calls and appointments to get Benji ready for surgery. Opthamology, Neurology, neurosurgery, oncology. The list of appointments grew. We made arrangements for my mother in law to come care for Josh and Grace while we dealt with Benji. That evening we took the kids to the park. I sat and stared and prayed. I prayed almost constantly during that time. Nothing eloquent, just please God, let me keep him. . That day was a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Everytime I woke up that night, it was just "Please God, Please God. over and over.
Benji’s school handled everything so graciously. His teacher and the school counselor told his first grade class and they all hugged a teddy bear to send with Benji.
One of Benji’s teachers said that the counselor called a meeting with every teacher that had worked with the boys. this teacher said that everyone was devastated. I was devastated to hear this because I just wanted my child to be one of the gang, not the child with the brain tumor.
The school raised three hundred dollars in two hours. This enabled us to pay for lodging while waiting to get into the Ronald McDonald house. Benji was actually able to go to school during this time between appointments.
One day was April Fools day. What I wouldn’t have given to be able to say April Fools. This is all a joke. We wore out a path between Angelo and Dallas. The Bluebonnets were spectactular that year, but I barely noticed.
His surgery was April Fourth and praise God, he’s been tumor free ever since. We live in San Antonio now. Benji is 22. Today he and I are spending the day together. The bluebonnets are out and they remind me of that sad time all those years ago when I thought I would lose my child.
Well, now this child is all grown up, is living his best life, working full time and has moved out on his own. I'm so thankful for Benji and the amazing young man he's become. I love you, Benji! #endchildhoodcancer
It was eleven years ago today that my son Benji had surgery to remove a brain tumor. I spent the last precious preop moments memorizing Benji and telling him how precious he is and how much we love him. How happy he makes everybody who meets him. I sent him to surgery knowing that I said everything that needed to be said.
During the surgery, time slowed down and sped up. i remember some things vividly, and other things are a blur. I remember the Muslim couple with their prayer rug, and their worried faces. I remember the male nurse who came in, and called this couple out of the room. They never returned.
The OR nurse would call every hour or so and update me. Each call would keep me going for another hour or so, so I never panicked.
My pastor, music minister and children's minister flew in, and played UNO with us. I won just about every game. I wonder if they let me win. Looking back, if I could've seen the shape I was in, I would've let me win too.
We ate munchies from a care package sent by the Joy school director, and talked about how special Benji was to us.
Then Dr. Shapiro came and spoke to us. Our pastor joined us in the hallway, much to the surgeon's chagrin. I remember looking at the surgeon's shoes, looking for Benji's blood, and feeling an odd mixture of relief and nausea that there was no blood. He told us that he believed he got all the tumor, but he would have to see another MRI.
I went into Recovery to see him, not knowing what to expect. A very sweet nurse met me at the door, and when I told her I was Benji's mom, she went on about how sweet and adorable Benji was. I went to his bedside, and indeed he was being sweet and adorable. Little innocent, sleepy smile on his face. He was feeling no pain. His tongue was swollen from the tube, and he wasn't thrilled about the tubes and IVs, but he was fine. The scar was a surprise, but all this time later, it's still a suprise sometimes.
The next few hours were a blur, getting him all settled in ICU.
Benji's surgeon suggested to us that we go back to the house, have a meal, come back and say goodnight, then go back to the house, and sleep. Best suggestion that man could've had.
I slept like a rock that night!!
Here we are at eight years. Benji is eighteen years old now. We're so blessed to have him here with us. He's fixing to graduate high school and has an awesome future ahead of him.
As an Air Force spouse, I've come to expect my share of adventure. But nothing could have prepared me for the adventure I'd be experiencing on a Monday in Late August 2005.
When hurricane Katrina hit, we were stationed at Keesler A.F.B, in Biloxi Mississippi. Our family had just starting getting back to normal after my son's brain tumor diagnosis. We had purchased a house on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and were planning on settling there after my husband's retirement from the U.S Air Force. At that time, life was good, Benji was healthy, the kids were happy to live so close to the beach and my husband had taken a deployment to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. None of us had any idea of what was about to happen.
Rick emailed me, then called from Cuba the Friday before. Katrina was coming and we were in the direct path. I was sick as a dog with bronchitis and remember telling Rick, "this dang storm is going to have to go around me. I can't get up off the couch."
My kids came home from a normal day at school that day only to find out that things weren't going to be normal for long. The next morning, while the boys were clearing the back yard of projectiles, My daughter, Grace and I joined the throngs of people lined up at the Wal-Mart. Everybody in line had an opinion or a theory on how things were going to play out. The general consensus was, that it was going to be bad, but not as bad as Camille. That turned out to be a fatal mistake. Biloxi's mayor A.J. Halloway was quoted as saying that Camille killed more people on Aug 29, 05 than she did the day she hit 30 years ago.
That Saturday was a flurry of packing and phone calls. By that evening, we had the van loaded and were taking stuff over to the base hospital, which was to be our shelter. As we were taking stuff up, the security guard at the desk was telling us that there were no plans to shelter as of yet. I told him that was fine. If we had to take our stuff back home, we'd do just that, but we were going to be ready.
The next morning, we found out that Katrina had grown into a monster. I had people calling me all worried, wanting me to just take the kids and bail. Every person I talked to said that they would pray for us. The pastor of our church came and boarded up our windows and we did all those last minute preps. By dinner time that night we were in the shelter watching Jim Cantore on the weather channel.
The next morning woke us up with a bang. We could hear the wind and rain at that point. It reminded me of Ivan, so I wasn't too scared. We still had power, so I spent most of the morning emailing folks, and checking out all the weather websites. The news wasn't good, but I trusted that God would keep a hedge of protection over our family.
The power went out later that morning and the rest of the day was spent hunkering down as Katrina passed through the area. It was hot, dark, and smelly. The De-humidifier wasn't working, so the floors were actually sweating. A dear woman named Betsy was with us and was reading aloud from Laura Ingalls Wilder's Farmer Boy. Let me just tell you all, this is not a good book to read when all you have to eat is cold soup and Pringles!!
That night, we were able listen to the radio and what we heard was horrifying!! Talk of people drowning in their attics, whole towns being leveled, thousands of homes destroyed. The next day or two was a bit of a blur. Hours spent listening to the radio, deciphering fact from fiction. Walks around the hospital to gather news from anyone we could. "have you heard anything new?" became the standard greeting that week.
Either Tuesday or Wednesday, I was able to contact my in-laws, and my best friend, who was in Texas.
Tuesday night was the night that Benji had his meltdown. We had just eaten grilled chicken rescued from the commissary, and I practically force fed my kids a gallon of milk, not knowing when we'd see something precious like milk again. I took him to a far away hallway and just let him cry. He asked if things were going to be normal ever again, and what if we lost our home? All I could tell him was that we would have to find a new normal and that it would be alright. God was watching over us, and no matter what happened, we were going to be fine.
Wednesday, I was able to sneak on a military line and contact Rick. I had no news on the house yet, so he was kind of on standby. However, his commander, who was from Pensacola, said that all the Gulf coast troops were going home. So, when I called back Thursday, one of the Colonels. that he worked for told me he was coming home, I burst into tears.
Later that day, they let folks out of the shelter in groups to check on our homes. When I saw my that my home was intact, I fell to my knees and just started sobbing, "Thank you, Jesus!! Thank you, God!!" I had thought that surely our home would either be destroyed or at least uninhabitable. But aside from our privacy fence being down, we had no damage. We had someone's roof in our backyard, and that was weird, but hey, what can you do?
After going back to the shelter, we could see first hand how bad so many people had it. And what people were made of. Betsy lost everything. Her husband was in Iraq and she had to deal with her home being demolished. Yet, she was the most positive person I met in the shelter and my kids and I will never forget her. She had such a calm about her. Every morning in the shelter, she'd disappear and do a bible study and pray.
That night we all waited three hours in line for a makeshift meal that the chow hall provided. We had cold hotdogs, warm strawberries, and all the orange juice we could drink. It was a gourmet meal.
The next day we went home. That night was a really strange night. No lights anywhere, but you could hear planes and copters flying overhead continuously. It was so loud and so strange. We had the windows open to let in some air, but ended up closing them because it felt like we were in a strange and dangerous place.
The power came back on Friday. The first thing I did was put one of those homestyle bake things in the oven. It was Chicken and biscuits, and to this day, we call it Katrina casserole!! Again, a gourmet feast!
That Sunday my husband came home from Cuba. He was able to rent a car in Mobile and get some groceries. I was so happy to see him, but I was appalled later to realize I pushed him out of the way to get to the groceries. I can't tell you what he was wearing that day, but i can tell you he brought home milk, produce, meat, all kinds of good stuff. I was able to make spaghetti and meat sauce that night with salad and it was heaven. Again, our whole family drank nearly a gallon of milk in one sitting. God bless Rick for bringing us milk!!!
The Sunday after Rick came home, we went to church for the first time since the storm. Sitting there was like being at a funeral at first. There were hugs and tears and seemingly endless updates of bad news. Then our pastor said something about praise and Worship. Blessed Be Your name was the first song that was played. "Blessed Be Your Name Blessed be Your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be' Blessed be Your name Blessed be Your name On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be Your name. The lyrics hold a special meaning to me. Just standing in that church praising God while we were suffering the same as we would when the sun was shining, it was amazing and humbling. I'll never forget that moment. There was and is so much that God has blessed us all with.
Because of Benji's cancer, it was pretty much decided on the spot that we'd be leaving. I'm a military spouse, who's had to say goodbye to many places, but leaving the gulf coast, was the most heart breaking thing our family has had to do.
We love the coast, but after what happened, we don't see ever living there again. It's been eight years now. I'm sitting here in Texas, fat and happy so to speak, while my kids are enjoying all the comforts of home. God has blessed us mightily. Our family still marvels at having air conditioning, power, and plenty of food and water. We're safe and we're together. My Goodness, what a miracle that is.
This past Saturday, we went shopping for shoes. Grace wanted a pair of pretty canvas shoes like Vans or Converse and had a particular style in mind. So, we're looking for the perfect shoes when I saw them. MY perfect shoes. They were sparkly and fun and would be perfect for me to wear to work at my job at Kids Club. When they caught the light, these shoes were positively stunning.
I brought these shoes home, with thoughts of my wee bitties showing me their light up shoes, while I showed off my sparkly Vans. I was just waiting for the perfect time to wear them. That time was this past Monday night.
Now, many of you know that Community Bible Church is having their annual Vacation Bible School this week. I'm volunteering and am on my feet all week. Monday morning, I threw on my sandals and away I went. As the day went on, tiredness set in, and I really wasn't feeling the whole working that night at Kids Club experience. I wanted nothing more than to get rid of any shoes and just relax. Read a book or finally beat that candy crush level once and for all.
The shoes twinkled at me as I was getting ready for work, almost as if they were saying, "hey, what about us?" So I put on the shoes, gathered up my enthusiasm and headed to work.
Now, over the past couple of weeks, we at Kids Club have been learning about the armor of God. I had no idea which part of the armor we'd be learning about. I went into my room, looked at my curriculum and just had to laugh. The lesson was about "good news shoes". The Bible lesson was about Philip and the Ethiopian gentleman with the scrolls, heading to Gaza. As I taught the kids, using my sparkly kicks as an object illustration, I felt God working in my heart. I was Philip, wearing my "good news shoes" spreading the the gospel to my wee bitties.
Suddenly, I didn't feel so tired anymore. I was right where I was supposed to be. And every time I wear my sparkly "good news shoes" to Kids Club, I'll have a tangible reminder of that. I love how God used this lesson to teach ME a thing or two!
13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
This weekend was the 5th annual Beyond The Lights Celebrity Golf Challenge. Beyond The Lights was created by actors Kyle Chandler and Brad Leland to help raise awareness and funds for spinal cord injuries. The two organizations benefitting from Beyond The Lights are Gridiron Heroes and The Buoniconti Fund, which are both doing amazing things with people suffering from spinal cord injuries.
This year, my son Josh and I signed up to volunteer at the golf tournament.
After signing up, we got our schedule and job assignments about two weeks ago. Josh and I were going to be relievers on the course, which means that we relieve any volunteers for lunch, restroom breaks, what have you. We were assigned the first five holes and were pretty excited and relieved to have a set job to do.
This year, with the event falling on Mother's Day weekend, we decided to make a weekend of it. We got a room at the Lost Pines Hyatt and Rick, Benji and Grace drove down later on Friday. Rick and I decided to go to the gala, so Friday ended up being a pretty busy day!
Friday morning after we arrived, we had some breakfast, got our golf cart, and a map and away we went. We got lost just a little. There was no feasible way to stick just to our holes, so we ended up adopting four more holes, which actually made more sense in the long run. We got to see a Deer on the course. We got to see lots of folks that we had worked with last year. We got to talk to Kyle and Brad a good bit, but the highlight for me this year was meeting a few soldiers from Ft. Hood. These young men were detailed to sit on the course and watch the hole in ones. They were in their BDU's and looked so young and were so polite. It was a pleasure to be able to do even the littlest things to make them more comfortable. Josh and I kind of adopted them that day.
So, basically, the whole day was spent driving around and relieving volunteers. I know it seems kind of boring, reading it here, but it was actually a really fun day and it went by pretty quickly. The weather, thankfully, turned out gorgeous. Up until Thursday night, they were calling for a 90% chance of rain with severe thunderstorms, so the sunshine and warm temps were more than welcome. The golfers all seemed in high spirits. We volunteers looked great in our navy and gold shirts. The folks in charge did a really great job making sure everyone had what they needed and it was just the most pleasant experience. Josh and I are already looking forward to next year's event.
After we were done for the day, we went and checked into our room. I grabbed a quick shower, got changed and by the time I was dressed, Rick, Benji and Grace had arrived. Rick and I went down to the gala, had a drink before dinner and just visited with some folks. Unfortunately, I was a bit dehydrated and the drink I had went right to my head. By the time we went in for dinner, the room was spinning. The food was absolutely amazing. We shared a table with sme really nice folks. The live and silent auction both raised a good bit of money. Before I knew it, it was wrapping up and I was ready to go upstairs and just sleep.
The next morning, we took a horse drawn carriage ride around the resort, played some horseshoes, explored and just relaxed. We had a wonderful lunch at the club house and then went swimming a bit. The resort has the most awesome pool and lazy river. It was just so nice to sit and relax. After a dinner in town, we came back, made some s'mores, watched a movie and that was it for the day.
We came home yesterday. I'll have to say this was the most awesome Mother's Day I've had in ages. It was so nice just spending it with my family. I have the most awesome kids ever. Rick was amazing, setting it all up and driving down after a full day of work. I'm so grateful to him and so enjoyed just spending time with him this weekend.
The resort itself was amazing. They went above and beyond with both Beyond The Lights and with our family's stay.
The grounds are gorgeous and we got to see some really sweet animals, some horses, alpacas, and longhorns. And we made friends with this gentle giant named Hoss, who loves ice cream.
A special shout out for Kyle Chandler and Brad Leland for concieving this event. They're both very busy actors, yet take time and energy out every year to do this event. I admire you both more than I can even say.
The folks in charge, Heather, Karen, Gail, Jen, hopefully, I did'nt leave anyone out. These ladies were amazing. Everything went so smoothly and there was just this feeling of calm during the event. These ladies worked so hard during the year to create this amazing weekend and any time I saw any of these folks, they were just smiling and doing what needed done. I would have been pulling my hair out months ago during the planning stages. Kudos to y'all. It was a pleasure working for all of you.
I'm going to leave y'all with a couple of video presentations that we watched during the gala, to give you an idea what this weekend is all about. So many people made this happen. My family and I are so blessed to be a part of it.
The Buoniconti Fund
It started out like a normal Monday. We were stationed in San Angelo texas and I remember the weather was gorgeous that spring. Lots of rain made for a spectacular display of our state flower, the bluebonnet. That morning was bright and gorgeous.
Josh and Benji, then 9 and 7 were excited that I finally was letting them walk to school with their friends for the first time. Little did they know that I was excited to not have to get their three year old sister, Grace out of bed quite so early.
I had just lied back down for a little snooze when the phone rang. It was a nurse from pediatrics. Benji had an MRI to see what was causing his siezures the Friday before and she was calling to let me know the results were in. She told me to NOT bring, Benji, but to bring my husband. As she said that, my heart started thudding in my chest and i felt sick inside. It couldn’t be good news at this point. I remember calling my husband at work and begging his coworkers to have him call back. It was an emergency. Ten minutes later, Rick came home to find me on the stairs, sobbing, while Grace sat with me, confused. We spent the next little while getting Grace to a friend’s house and driving to the clinic. After we got to the clinic, the nurse, without meeting our eyes, directed us to Dr Sawyer’s office.
The next ten minutes spent waiting for him were pure torture. When he finally came in with Ben’s records, he didn’t seem to know what to say. I remember asking him something, to which he answered, "We’ll talk." At that point, I asked why he couldn’t just tell us what was going on. Then he said the words that would change our lives forever. "Benji has a brain tumor." I remember looking over at Rick and he had the most PLEASANT look on his face. Almost as if Dr. Sawyer just told him it was going to rain. His expression just stayed the same. Dr Sawyer, then started saying words like cancer, surgery, astrocytoma, Cooks medical center. Words that made no sense and didn’t fit into OUR family. All I could think was "My God, this is how we’re going to lose him." We’re going to LOSE him. I had never heard of anyone survivng a brain tumor. I felt so sad that he would not get to do all those normal things. I worried about how Josh would take possibly losing his best friend. I wondered if Grace would remember the brother who called her goose and loved her so much. This is what it’s like to be told your child has cancer.
I called Glenmore and a secretary answered the phone. I blurted out the news and she put the school counselor on the phone immediately. We then went to the school and talked with her about the situation and how we would tell Benji his life as he knew it was over. Again, it struck me how utterly gorgeous the weather was that day. I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted him to have that innocence.It was like if I didn’t tell him, then it wasn’t real.
The rest of that day was a flurry of phone calls and appointments to get Benji ready for surgery. Opthamology, Neurology, neurosurgery, oncology. The list of appointments grew. We made arrangements for my mother in law to come care for Josh and Grace while we dealt with Benji. That evening we took the kids to the park. I sat and stared and prayed. I prayed almost constantly during that time. Nothing eloquent, just please God, let me keep him. . That day was a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Everytime I woke up that night, it was just "Please God, Please God. over and over.
Benji’s school handled everything so graciously. His teacher and the school counselor told his first grade class and they all hugged a teddy bear to send with Benji. One of Benji’s teachers said that the counselor called a meeting with every teacher that had worked with the boys. this teacher said that everyone was devastated. I was devastated to hear this because I just wanted my child to be one of the gang, not the child with the brain tumor. The school raised three hundred dollars in two hours. This enabled us to pay for lodging while waiting to get into the Ronald McDonald house. Benji was actually able to go to school during this time between appointments.
One day was April Fools day. What I wouldn’t have given to be able to say April Fools. This is all a joke. We wore out a path between Angelo and Dallas. The Bluebonnets were spectactular that year, but i barely noticed.
His surgery was April Fourth and praise God, he’s been tumor free ever since. We live in San Antonio now. Benji is 16. The bluebonnets are out and they remind me of that sad time eight years ago when I thought I would lose my child.
Then I look over and I see Benji, with his fuzzy hair, freckles, and snarky little attitude and i don’t feel so sad anymore. I feel grateful that Benji is here with us and able to enjoy the bluebonnets with the rest of his family! Thank you, God!!!
As I sit here, enjoying a lovely spring day here in Texas, I can't help but think back to other springs in Texas. One spring day in particular, was especially beautiful. I spent a lot of time walking around outside on that day. It was gorgeous, clear and sunny, warm, with birds singing and the sound of kids outside playing. My boys picked some dandelions and were selling them to the neighbors. I was walking up and down the block, trying to coax my baby girl into making her debut. The next day, an equally beautiful day, our family welcomed Grace into our family. These perfect spring days make me smile when I think back to her birth.
Fast forward a few years. A different town in Texas. Equally beautiful weather. My boys were nine and seven. Grace was three and we had a whole week of spring break to enjoy. That year, I felt an almost urgent need to make spring break special. So we ate a lot of ice cream, had a lot of paydates and spent hours at the park, just playing and soaking up the Texas sunshine.
Spring break ended and within a few weeks, our lives changed forever.
Fast forward a week after spring break. A beautiful sunny Monday. My boys walked to school by themselves for the first time and I was just relaxing with Grace when the phone rang. Within a few hours, we had found out that my son, Benji, who was just in first grade, had a brain tumor.
Parts of that day are a blur. Parts of that day are forever etched in my memory. One moment that stands out in my mind is picking up the boys from school. We went outside and it was just gorgeous. I remember asking my husband how we could have gotten such bad news on such a beautiful day.
Thankfully, it's been nine years since that day, and Benji is still with us, whole and healthy.
Grace is now twelve years old and all three of my kids are looking forward to their spring break. Hopefully, they'll have gorgeous weather to relax in. I'm looking forward to having these days with my kids and making some awesome memories!
So for the past several months, I've been dealing with cysts in my breasts. For the most part, these cysts have been harmless. In November, I ended up having a suspicious looking cyst biopsied. Thankfully, the biopsy showed no malignancy. The diagnosis was typical hyperplasia, which is good news. My doctor told me to follow up in May or sooner if there were any concerns.
Well, guess what? A month ago, I found two new lumps. I've gone through a full cycle to see if they'd shrink, go away, or grow. They've not shrunk, they're still there and the one feels slightly bigger than it did last month.
My dilemma is, I'm about almost totally sure these are more harmless cysts. I was tempted to just keep watching and go in May as scheduled. But these lumps are in my breast. So today I sucked it up and called for an appointment. And wouldn't you know it? For the first time EVER, I had a male operator when I called camo. What are the odds? So I'm going to see my PCM on January 23rd and we will go from there. Any and all prayers would certainly be appreciated. I guess it's better to go in and feel stupid, than to take a chance that there could be something bad. Thanks!!
Monday night, my husband and I attended a very special event in Austin. It was a benefit concert to raise money for the victims of the Central Texas fires. the acts included Willie Nelson, George Strait, Lyle Lovett, The Dixie Chicks, Joe Satriani, Eric Johnson, Asleep at the Wheel and the Texas Tornadoes. The Emcee for the evening was Emmy award winning actor, Kyle Chandler. It was an an amazing show musically, but also amazing was the way so many people came together for such a great cause. Over $500,000 was raised that night. My husband and I felt blessed to be there.
The musicians were incredible that night.
When I was about five, my older brother got a toodloop radio for his birthday. I remember it was blue and I was jealous that my brother could listen to music any time or anywhere he wanted. Back then, the only thing we had was WABC.
A couple of years later, my uncle gave me a stuffed mouse with a radio inside. I was in heaven. I loved listening to the radio while riding my bike. It was amazing being able to have music everywhere I went. I was hooked.
Years went by. During those years, I had boomboxes, and walkmans and cassette players. The novelty of taking my music with me never went away.
After growing up, having music was was still a huge part of my life but it was limited to my car.
A few years ago, I heard about this gadget called an ipod. I was unfamiliar with with the whole music download process so it just seemed beyond me. Itunes, ipod, imac, ihadnoclue. Whatever.
Then one night, my son won an ipod shuffle. He went home and started an itunes account. It was easy!! The next week, I bought myself a shuffle. Just like that, I had my beloved music back. In a little gadget the size of a matchbook. I was hooked.
Since then, I've gone from a shuffle to a nano to my current itouch. I take it everywhere with me. It's an everyday part of my life. Amazing that such a little device can have the capacity to hold so much music.and.make such happiness for so many people. All from a man who dropped out of college and built a computer in his garage. Rest in peace, Steve Jobs. You've most definitely made a.ding in the universe.
Twenty five years ago, I started the rest of my life. Today was the first day of basic training for the United States Air Force. People have many different reasons for joining the military. the reason that i joined was simple. I wanted out of New Jersey. By the end of my first week of basic, things became more complicated.
I put on that uniform for the first time and suddenly it was like the blinders were lifted. I understood why I got a lump in my throat whenever I hear our National Anthem. I realized why we observe holidays like Veteran's Day and Memorial day. The red, white and blue of our flag became almost dazzling to me as i would salute it every day.
I suddenly was a part of an amazing family who lived and served all over the world. Never again would i feel left out, lonely or a misfit, as i did so often growing up.
As I sit here, I'm struck by what a different time we live in. When i was active duty, war was just an exercise in a hangar. I went through each day confident that the airmen i served with would be there every day. The only danger we faced was getting busted for drinking underage in the dorm in the middle of the night with our boyfriend.
Two towers still rose up magestically in Manhattan and our nation was innocent and secure. Today it's a whole different military. Please keep our airmen, soldiers and marines in your thoughts and prayer as they serve in such different times. these people are truly putting their lives on the line for us every day and they deserve our respect and our prayers.
Twenty four years ago, I started the rest of my life. Today was the first day of basic training for the United States Air Force. People have many different reasons for joining the military. the reason that i joined was simple. I wanted out of New Jersey. By the end of my first week of basic, things became more complicated.
I put on that uniform for the first time and suddenly it was like the blinders were lifted. I understood why I got a lump in my throat whenever I hear our National Anthem. I realized why we observe holidays like Veteran's Day and Memorial day. The red, white and blue of our flag became almost dazzling to me as i would salute it every day. I suddenly was a part of an amazing family who lived and served all over the world. Never again would i feel left out, lonely or a misfit, as i did so often growing up.
As I sit here, I'm struck by what a different time we live in. When i was active duty, war was just an exercise in a hangar. I went through each day confident that the airmen i served with would be there every day. The only danger we faced was getting busted for drinking underage in the dorm in the middle of the night with our boyfriend. Two towers still rose up magestically in Manhattan and our nation was innocent and secure. Today it's a whole different military. Please keep our airmen, soldiers and marines in your thoughts and prayer as they serve in such different times. these people are truly putting their lives on the line for us every day and they deserve our respect and our prayers.
Ten years ago today was a beautiful day in West Texas. It was sunny and warm, with no hint of the sadness that would come in just a few short hours.
It was Tuesday. I dropped my toddler off at my next door neighbor's, then headed to Glenmore Elementary, where I was a volunteer in Josh's second grade class. Like I said, the day was beautiful. As I was pulling into the school parking lot, U2's Beautiful Day was playing on the radio. Ironically, that would be the last song I heard on the radio for many days to come. And to this day, hearing that song reminds me of that morning.
It was a busy morning in Mrs Williams room. I was busy helping the kids aith a reading assignment, when I hear an odd request over the intrcom. The office was asking for all teachers' aides to report immediately then a little while later for anyone that had a TV with antennaes to please bring them down to the office. For some reason, it reminded me of when the space shuttle Challenger blew up. I asked Ms Williams if something was happening in the news. She handed me a bit of paper that said that a plane had crashed into the Twin Towers. I had been to the twin towers as a teenager and I thought that maybe the weather was bad or it was a stunt gone horribly wrong. At that point terrorism hadn't crossed my mind.
Then the teacher's aide came back with news that another plane had hit the towers and they thought that it was intentional. The aide told me to call my husband. By the time I had called Rick, one of the towers had collapsed and there were rumors all over the place about other attacks around the country.
My husband's base was on lockdown. At that point, I was in shock. My husband was telling me all this and half my brain was registering and the other half refused to proccess any of it. At one point, I found my self asking Rick what time he would be home for lunch. It was a weird and scary conversation. I went back to Ms Williams' room and read to a couple of chilren. None of the kids knew what had happened. Though later, a fourth grader returning from a dental appointment would leak the news to his classmates. So the principal was pretty much forced to tell the older students what had happened. A part of me wanted to scoop up my kids right then and there and take them home, but I figured that they would be safe at Glenmore and i was right.
I went down the the cafeteria and loved on Benji and loved on Josh before going home. I had to get let out of the school to leave. We were on complete lockdown. The rest of the day was kind of a blur. family members and friends calling to see what we had heard and to update us.
I went to the school to pick my kids up and they had their hands full. Since the base was on lockdown, there were dozens of children who either had no way home or no one waiting for them when they got there. Everybody at Glenmore handled everything with such grace. I was so grateful that my kids were there that day. Now ten years have passed. We must never forget that day.
The rest of that week was completely horrifying. My prayers are with all of us that are affected by that day.
This weekend, I was blessed with the opportunity to volunteer at BTL. BTL is the Beyond The Lights Celebrity Golf Classic. it was hosted by Kyle Chandler and Brad Leland of Friday Night Lights. For more info, here's the link. http://beyondthelights.org
This weekend was incredible! And the Kyle encounters were just a small part of it. First off, i'd like to say, that in my opinion, the most special part of the weekend was being able to work with my son, Josh. I'm so proud of him and the way he's grown up. he has a heart for helping people and it really showed this weekend.
Friday morning, we drove to Bastrop. Beautiful weather, amazing drive. We found the resort with no problem and reported to the club house to get to work. The day before, I had been emailed a schedule of where I'd be working, but it became clear almost immediately that I wouldn't be following that schedule. The event coordinator and the volunteer coordinators were running around making everything go smoothly.
At first, we were kind of standing around, unsure of what to do . Josh and i saw Kyle briefly. He thanked us for being there. Josh told him that he had a DVD for him of Josh's latest movie, a zombie movie. Kyle thought that was cool and asked if it was fiolmed on a super 8. When we told him what kind of camera it was actually folmed on, he totally got it. Josh was impressed with that. Josh was also thrilled to meet a fellow film maker that day, who actually is going to come to the set and help Josh and film.
Josh and i set up swag bags and did some basic busy work, then I got put on a golf cart to hand out refreshments too. I relieved a few people out on the course and Josh got put on the seventeenth hole. That's the hole that Kyle, Brad and some of the other cast were at most of the day. Josh said he enjoyed watching for a little while, but then it got old. I think he was out there like three hours. I was on the thirteenth hole for a while, then I got relieved.
Aftrer getting back to the club house, i was supposed to have lunch, but ended up skipping because of the line. I went back to the ball room and help set up for the gala. I ended up putting together these shelves with scissors and needlenose pliers with a couple from Bastrop who were volunteering. One of the coolest things about this were some of the awesome volunteers I met. There were people there from out of state who flew in to help and make a weekend out of it.
Josh came back from his assignments so we three were able to eat dinner together. After dinner, we set up the swag bags for the gala.
Josh and I ended up getting assigned to sell candid shots from FNL that evening. i think we sold about a half dozen pics or so. We saw Kyle that night and spoke to him for a few moments. He seemed really appreciative of all of us volunteers and made a point to thank us all.
Josh went up and gave him his movie. Kyle started talking to him about it and next thing you know, Kyle is asking for our phone number so he can call Josh and tall him what he thought of the movie. Then Kyle said to Josh, "I need to come work for you. " Josh was just thrilled. At one point in the conversation, I put my arms around Josh and told Kyle how proud i was of Josh and Kyle was like awwww!!
We met an online friend that night, our very own Josy, who is originally from France. She came in just for the gala in hopes of meeting Kyle. At one point, she was walking by and Kyle was up ahead. She went over to meet him and Jessie and i went with her. We were both a little irritated because the people that were talking to Kyle saw us standing there waiting and just kept bending Kyle's ear.
Finally, we had our turn. Josy was awesome. She went right up and started talking to him and took pics with him. He was really impressed that she came from France. I had made a comment about adopting her and Kyle was like, "you're adopting a French girl?" " so when we posed for pics, instead of saying cheese, he said "fromage", which, is French for cheese. It was awesome. Josy was so cool, calm and collected. It was awesome to meet her that night.
We took turns guarding the volunteer room and at one point, Josh and I went to the bakery. I was thrilled that they had chocolate croissants, my very favorite thing in the whole world!!
It was then that we ran into Kyle's younger daughter. We chatted with her for a little bit, then went back to the volunteer room. After a while, we helped out with the auction, then went to our hotel. We were so tired by that pojnt, that we actually got on the elevator and just stood there. Didn't press any buttons, just stood there and were all surprised that the elevator didn't move.
We got some sleep and then it was time to go back to BTL, for the disc golf tourney. I'm sorry, call it what you want, it was throwing a frisbee into a basket, plain and simple. Josh and I got assigned to hospitality and we had a blast. We were all happy with our assignments. My son took us offroading in the golf cart a few times, but i didn't fall out, so it's all good.
Josh and i seemed like we were following Kyle and his team around a lot but they stayed hydrated, which was a good thing. I had a bad moment when I stepped into a hole and twisted my ankle, but thank God, it didn't really start hurting until today. Nothing serious, it just feels like a pulled muscle. Before we knew it, it was time for lunch.
We ended up getting a table, right behind Kyle, who was soon joined by his wife and daughter. We ate lunch and were getting ready to leave, so we stopped and said goodbye to everyone, including Kyle. When we said goodbye, he stopped what he was doing and stood up, gave me a big hug and shook hands with Josh. I told him that I was so proud of him and that the event was awesome. i thanked him for letting me be a part of it and he thanked me and Josh for coming out and helping. He had a flower behind his ear from his daughter. Too cute. He then said, "you've met my wife." and i said no i hadn't, so he introduced us. I then told her "I hope I'm not being inappropriate here, but I know how hard it was when you all were doing the commuting thing, and being a military spouse, I know it's never easy doing the single parent thing and I've been praying for you." She smiled and said that the prayers worked.
Kyle, then went on about how our family has supported the show since the beginning and that Josh has made a zombie movie. Kyle seems really thrilled with that and he said he was going to watch it soon. I then gave his wife a big hug and told her how great it was to meet her and that I'm still praying for their family. She seemed touched. The only awkwardness was when Kyle was saying about our family, he and brad and some of the other folks at their table started clapping for us. I was like really? I was a background extra.
Then it was time to go home. We drove home to more beautiful weather and made it without any problems. never even had to stop for gas.
Speaking for myself, I felt like I was so blessed to be a part of this weekend. Gridiron heroes and The Buoniconti Fund are doing awesome things to raise money and awareness for spinal cord injuries. All of these people coming together for such an amazing cause was just humbling. God bless these people.
Josh got to do something he's never done before. I stepped way out of my comfort zone this weekend. I'm not great with driving to strange places, meeting strange people and doing different things, so this was huge for me. I feel like I can move mountains now. Well, at least as long as i have a good map and clear directions anyway. It was awesome working with my son. I got to watch him work hard and be a good person this weekend. I'm so proud of him.
I also felt like those years on FNL were appreciated. Brad, at one point, stopped me and Josh and introduced us to some friends he knew from highschool. he was like, yeah, the Zellos ARE Dillon. Every game, every church scene, every restaurant scene, there they were, supporting our show. I never knew anyone noticed. I have to admit, it felt good to be appreciated. And having Kyle, our favorite actor, knowing our family's name, wow!! What are the odds and how cool is that?
Lots of money was raised. Lots of memories were made and it was just awesome all around.
Sorry, there are hardly any pics from me. I was so busy working, it didn't even dawn on me to go around getting pics with with the different cast members. I got a few with Kyle which I will post soon, but that's it. It just didn't seem the right thing to do, just not what this weekend was about, as far as I'm concerned.
So, that was my weekend in a nutshell. Had a blast. Helped a great cause. Can't wait till next year!
Here's a video showing exactly why this weekend meant so much to our family.
The following is my son's account of dealing with a brain tumor. It was written four years ago, when he was eleven years old.
My name is Benjamin Zello. My friends call me Benji. I am eleven years old. I'm a fifth grader at Olympia Elementary. In many ways I'm just like all of you. I like hanging out with my brother and sister, I like going to Rudy's to buy ice cream and eat bbq. My favorite subject in school is recess, and most days in the summer, you'll find me at Schertz pool.
In some ways, I'm different. One of those ways happened four years ago. I was seven years old. I lived in San Angelo Texas. My life was good, except, lots of times I didn't feel good. I would get really bad headaches and sometimes I would throw up for no reason. Sometimes, I would get a funny feeling inside and I'd forget where I was. Then I would sleep for a long time. I slept a lot back then. My mom would pick me up from school and I'd fall asleep before we left the parking lot.
My mom took me to the Dr's after she saw me have one of these feelings one night. She said I had a seizure. The Dr told my mom that the symptoms I was having sounded like a tumor, but my mom wasn't worried. She said, most times it's not cancer and she didn't think I had anything to worry about.
Later that week, I had to have two tests. An MRI to look at inside my brain and an EEG to see what kind of waves my brain had. The EEG was easy. They put wires on my head with gel and I just had to lie still. My mom says I even fell asleep. The MRI was scary. I had to get a needle in my arm to let the techs see inside my brain. I was scared, but my mom prayed with me and held my hand. I remember the nurse was kidding with me and told me how brave I was, even when I cried. I had to lay in a closed machine and not move. My mom said to pretend it was a space ship. The machine made loud noises and I was cold. My mom stayed with me the whole time. When the jokey nurse came back in, my mom said she had tears in her eyes. That's how she knew something was wrong. After the MRI, we went to burger king and I came home and slept all day.
The next Monday, my mom let me and my brother walk to school alone for the first time. It was fun.
Then later that morning, I got called down to the office. I saw my brother and he told me he was called down too. We thought our house had a fire. We walked into the office and i was confused. My dad was there and my mom looked sad. She asked me if i remember that the MRI was to see if there were any weird lumps in my brain. I said yes. My mom said that there was a lump in my brain and it was called cancer. I didn't think anything at first. Then my mom said I would need surgery. That's when I got scared and started to cry. We went home and I got ready for surgery. I had to go up to Dallas and see lots of Dr.s. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house and i got to eat at the purple cow. My mom cried a lot during those days.
Our church prayed over us and my school bought a huge teddy bear and gave it hugs and sent it to the hospital with me. I was scared but going to school and seeing my friends made me feel better.
I had surgery on a Friday. We woke up really early while it was still dark and drove to the hospital to get ready. It was raining. Soon, I was on my way to the operating room. When I woke up, my mom was there. She told me that they got the whole tumor and that I'd be fine. I had a small headache and my tongue hurt from the tube in my throat. I had a big scar in the back of my head that my mom called my trap door. I went home from the hospital two days later. We stayed in the Ronald McDonald house a few more days. The Drs said i was better and we drove back home to san Angelo. I went back to school a week later and started having MRIs sometimes to make sure the tumor stayed gone. It's been four years yesterday and the tumor hasn't come back.
The first time I heard about Relay for Life, we were in Biloxi Mississippi. My mom said that Relay For Life was an all night walk to help raise awareness and money for cancer research and that it would be a good thing to do. There would be other survivors like me and walking with them would make me feel like I was part of a really big family. The survivor lap was cool, but a little sad. I didn't know that there were so many people with cancer. I thought I was the only one. I was scared to walk the lap all by myself, but this nice lady named Lynn, who had breast cancer, walked with me and held my hand. My mom made friends with her that night and she'd give me hugs whenever she saw me after that. I love going to relay for Life. It's really neat to be around so many people who care about you. It's like they are cheering you on for surviving. There's one part that makes my mom cry every year. It's called the Lumiaria part. You can buy a bag and decorate it to be in honor or in memory of someone with cancer. When it gets dark, all the bags are lit with candles. My mom says that it's amazing seeing all those bags lit up. I'm looking forward to relay this year. It's on April 27th. This year, I'm big enough to walk all night. We're bringing our camper and we're going to stay for the whole thing. I've already raised some money and I'm happy to be a hero of hope this year.
The funny thing is, I don't think of me as being a hero. I'm just a normal kid like everyone else. I'm just a normal kid who is also a cancer survivor. I plan on surviving for a very long time.
Benji is fifteen now, and by the grace of God, continues to be cancer free. What has amazed me the most about this expereince, is how many children there are with brain tumors and other forms of cancer. It breaks my heart.
I'm a Christian, a proud Air Force veteran, a proud Air Force spouse, a born again Texan and mom to three amazing kids. One of which is a cancer survivor. God only knows why this path was chosen for him, but we're very blessed to have him with us, whole and healthy. If you'd like to read more about him, then you can visit him at http://www.caringbridge.org/tx/benji
It's hard to believe that just five years ago, we were living happily in Ocean Springs Mississippi, when Katrina came and changed our lives forever. We're very happy to be in Texas. You can read more in my blog, about how God has and continues to work his plan for our family.
I love to read, spend time with my family, teach preschoolers at my church and film as a back ground extra on my favorite show, Friday Night Lights. I also have a weakness for Vera Bradley bags!!
