16 years ago today!

16 years ago today!

It was 16 years ago today that my son Benji had surgery to remove a brain tumor. I spent the last precious preop moments memorizing Benji and telling him how precious he is and how much we love him. How happy he makes everybody who meets him. I sent him to surgery knowing that I said everything that needed to be said.

During the surgery, time slowed down and sped up. i remember some things vividly, and other things are a blur. I remember the Muslim couple with their prayer rug, and their worried faces. I remember the male nurse who came in, and called this couple out of the room. They never returned.

The OR nurse would call every hour or so and update me. Each call would keep me going for another hour or so, so I never panicked.

My pastor, music minister and children's minister flew in, and played UNO with us. I won just about every game. I wonder if they let me win. Looking back, if I could've seen the shape I was in, I would've let me win too.
We ate munchies from a care package sent by the Joy school director, and talked about how special Benji was to us.

Then Dr. Shapiro came and spoke to us. Our pastor joined us in the hallway, much to the surgeon's annoyance. I remember looking at the surgeon's shoes, looking for Benji's blood, and feeling an odd mixture of relief and nausea that there was no blood. He told us that he believed he got all the tumor, but he would have to see another MRI.

I went into Recovery to see him, not knowing what to expect. A very sweet nurse met me at the door, and when I told her I was Benji's mom, she went on about how sweet and adorable Benji was. I went to his bedside, and indeed he was being sweet and adorable. Little innocent, sleepy smile on his face.

 He was feeling no pain. His tongue was swollen from the tube, and he wasn't thrilled about the tubes sticking out of him but he was fine. The scar was a surprise, but all this time later, it's still a suprise sometimes.

The next few hours were a blur, getting him all settled in ICU.
Benji's surgeon suggested to us that we go back to the house, have a meal, come back and say goodnight, then go back to the house, and sleep. Best suggestion that man could've had.

I slept like a rock that night!!

Here we are at 16 years. Benji is 23 years old now. We're so blessed to have him here with us. Way to go, Benji! We love you.

Sixteen years ago…

March 24, 2003 started out like a normal Monday. We were stationed in San Angelo Texas and I remember the weather was gorgeous that spring. Lots of rain made for a spectacular display of our state flower, the bluebonnet. That morning was bright and gorgeous.

Josh and Benji, then 9 and 7 were excited that I finally was letting them walk to school with their friends for the first time. Little did they know that I was excited to not have to get their three year old sister, Grace out of bed quite so early.

I had just laid back down for a little snooze when the phone rang. It was a nurse from pediatrics. Benji had an MRI to see what was causing his siezures the Friday before and she was calling to let me know the results were in. She told me to NOT bring Benji, but to bring my husband. As she said that, my heart started thudding in my chest and I felt sick inside. It couldn’t be good news at this point. I remember calling my husband at work and begging his coworkers to have him call back. It was an emergency. Ten minutes later, Rick came home to find me on the stairs, sobbing, while Grace sat with me, confused. We spent the next little while getting Grace to a friend’s house and driving to the clinic. After we got to the clinic, the nurse, without meeting our eyes, directed us to Dr Sawyer’s office.

The next ten minutes spent waiting for him were pure torture. When he finally came in with Ben’s records, he didn’t seem to know what to say. I remember asking him something, to which he answered, "We’ll talk." At that point, I asked why he couldn’t just tell us what was going on. Then he said the words that would change our lives forever. "Benji has a brain tumor." I remember looking over at Rick and he had the calmest look on his face. Almost as if Dr. Sawyer just told him it was going to rain. His expression just stayed the same. Dr Sawyer, then started saying words like cancer, surgery, astrocytoma, Cooks medical center. Words that made no sense and didn’t fit into OUR family. All I could think was "My God, this is how we’re going to lose him." We’re going to LOSE him. I had never heard of anyone surviving a brain tumor. I felt so sad that he would not get to do all those normal things. I worried about how Josh would take possibly losing his best friend. I wondered if Grace would remember the brother who called her goose and loved her so much. This is what it’s like to be told your child has cancer.

I called Glenmore Elementary and a secretary answered the phone. I blurted out the news and she put the school counselor on the phone immediately. We then went to the school and talked with her about the situation and how we would tell Benji his life as he knew it was over. Again, it struck me how utterly gorgeous the weather was that day. I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted him to have that innocence.It was like if I didn’t tell him, then it wasn’t real.

The rest of that day was a flurry of phone calls and appointments to get Benji ready for surgery. Opthamology, Neurology, neurosurgery, oncology. The list of appointments grew. We made arrangements for my mother in law to come care for Josh and Grace while we dealt with Benji. That evening we took the kids to the park. I sat and stared and prayed. I prayed almost constantly during that time. Nothing eloquent, just please God, let me keep him. . That day was a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Everytime I woke up that night, it was just "Please God, Please God. over and over.

Benji’s school handled everything so graciously. His teacher and the school counselor told his first grade class and they all hugged a teddy bear to send with Benji.

One of Benji’s teachers said that the counselor called a meeting with every teacher that had worked with the boys. this teacher said that everyone was devastated. I was devastated to hear this because I just wanted my child to be one of the gang, not the child with the brain tumor.

The school raised three hundred dollars in two hours. This enabled us to pay for lodging while waiting to get into the Ronald McDonald house. Benji was actually able to go to school during this time between appointments.

One day was April Fools day. What I wouldn’t have given to be able to say April Fools. This is all a joke. We wore out a path between Angelo and Dallas. The Bluebonnets were spectactular that year, but I barely noticed.

His surgery was April Fourth and praise God, he’s been tumor free ever since. We live in San Antonio now. Benji is 22. Today he and I are spending the day together. The bluebonnets are out and they remind me of that sad time all those years ago when I thought I would lose my child.

Well, now this child is all grown up, is living his best life, working full time and has moved out on his own. I'm so thankful for Benji and the amazing young man he's become. I love you, Benji! #endchildhoodcancer

Been there, done that, going back!

In March of this year, I had an amazing opportunity to go and serve in hurricane damaged Puerto Rico with an incredible team of people. While we were there, we helped lay foundation and pour concrete for a sister church that was heavily damaged. Being over there, serving and leaning on my faith changed me in ways I never expected.

This experience blessed me so much that I’m feeling called to go back. There’s another team going in July to help rebuild with the same church. God has been telling me very clearly that I am not done there and that He is not done using me there.

So I’m coming to you once again to ask humbly for you to partner with me on this next trip. Our team goal is $15,000. Any amount donated would be a blessing and greatly appreciated. If you feel led to donate, here’s what you can do.

Donate Online:
https://rccc.ccbchurch.com/goto/forms/394/responses/new
Please include my name and select Puerto Rico Mission trip
Or
Mail checks to:
River City Community Church
16765 Lookout Rd
Selma, Texas 78154
(Include my name, Loriann Zello, in the memo)
Again, thank you so much for your prayers and support. God bless.
Thank you,
Loriann Zello

Faith and Timeless.

Faith and Timeless. 

I’m a woman, a wife, a mother, a teacher, a fan of Timeless, and most importantly, a Christian. My faith is so very important to me and tends to color the way I look at the world. When I look at my entertainment choices, my faith drives the bus. I’ve always been fascinated with history and time travel and Timeless fits those likes very nicely. Not only the historical time travel aspect, but the human aspect as well. 

The cast contains a historian, a soldier, a techie, a man bent on revenge and an array of supporting characters. Each week, the time team goes back to try and change or preserve history as needed to save the world as we know it. Each week, moral and ethical dilemmas are discussed and dealt with. Once in a while, fate, free will, destiny and faith in God will come up. 

Last season, our antagonist, played brilliantly by Goran Višnjić, sat in a church and pondered the whole God vs fate vs free will conundrum intelligently and respectfully. One episode later, he was at his rock bottom, saying that he prayed to God and he was led to that point. The historian, played by Abigail Spencer, countered with, “what if God led you to me?” It was a very powerful moment in the series, not preachy, not disrespectful, just raising questions about faith in general. 

Last night, Rufus, played by Malcom Barrett, stated that he doesn’t believe in God. He watched his mother pray every night for their circumstances to change and in the end, Rufus stated that he was the one who changed his circumstances. Again, not disrespectful, just painfully honest in the context of the show. 

So imagine my surprise when I see an article this morning, stating that Timeless  mocks Christianity. I sat and thought back to the series and what I’ve seen and I’m not seeing mocking. 

I’m seeing flawed humans, trying to understand life. I’m seeing diversity with belief systems. I’m seeing good and bad human choices being made. I’m seeing consequences of these choices. I’m seeing strength and I’m seeing a whole lot of grace and forgiveness. Not once have I seen any belief system, Christian or otherwise be mocked and disrespected. 

One of the things that this show prides itself on, and I see the writers really honor, Is the diversity in its characters and how they’re portrayed. Last nights episode was no different. 

 As a a television viewer, I love this show. As a Christian, I pray for this show to continue and I pray for its cast, crew and writers regularly. I pray that good stories will be able to continue to be told in an intelligent way that makes people think even after the final credits roll. 

15 years ago today!

It was 15 years ago today that my son Benji had surgery to remove a brain tumor. I spent the last precious preop moments memorizing Benji and telling him how precious he is and how much we love him. How happy he makes everybody who meets him. I sent him to surgery knowing that I said everything that needed to be said.

During the surgery, time slowed down and sped up. i remember some things vividly, and other things are a blur. I remember the Muslim couple with their prayer rug, and their worried faces. I remember the male nurse who came in, and called this couple out of the room. They never returned.

The OR nurse would call every hour or so and update me. Each call would keep me going for another hour or so, so I never panicked.

My pastor, music minister and children's minister flew in, and played UNO with us. I won just about every game. I wonder if they let me win. Looking back, if I could've seen the shape I was in, I would've let me win too.
We ate munchies from a care package sent by the Joy school director, and talked about how special Benji was to us.

Then Dr. Shapiro came and spoke to us. Our pastor joined us in the hallway, much to the surgeon's annoyance. I remember looking at the surgeon's shoes, looking for Benji's blood, and feeling an odd mixture of relief and nausea that there was no blood. He told us that he believed he got all the tumor, but he would have to see another MRI.

I went into Recovery to see him, not knowing what to expect. A very sweet nurse met me at the door, and when I told her I was Benji's mom, she went on about how sweet and adorable Benji was. I went to his bedside, and indeed he was being sweet and adorable. Little innocent, sleepy smile on his face. He was feeling no pain. His tongue was swollen from the tube, and he wasn't thrilled about the tubes sticking out of him but he was fine. The scar was a surprise, but all this time later, it's still a suprise sometimes.

The next few hours were a blur, getting him all settled in ICU.
Benji's surgeon suggested to us that we go back to the house, have a meal, come back and say goodnight, then go back to the house, and sleep. Best suggestion that man could've had.

I slept like a rock that night!!

Here we are at 15 years. Benji is 22 years old now. We're so blessed to have him here with us. Way to go, Benji! We love you.

15 years ago today.

March 24, 2003 started out like a normal Monday. We were stationed in San Angelo Texas and I remember the weather was gorgeous that spring. Lots of rain made for a spectacular display of our state flower, the bluebonnet. That morning was bright and gorgeous.

Josh and Benji, then 9 and 7 were excited that I finally was letting them walk to school with their friends for the first time. Little did they know that I was excited to not have to get their three year old sister, Grace out of bed quite so early.

I had just laid back down for a little snooze when the phone rang. It was a nurse from pediatrics. Benji had an MRI to see what was causing his siezures the Friday before and she was calling to let me know the results were in. She told me to NOT bring Benji, but to bring my husband. As she said that, my heart started thudding in my chest and I felt sick inside. It couldn’t be good news at this point. I remember calling my husband at work and begging his coworkers to have him call back. It was an emergency. Ten minutes later, Rick came home to find me on the stairs, sobbing, while Grace sat with me, confused. We spent the next little while getting Grace to a friend’s house and driving to the clinic. After we got to the clinic, the nurse, without meeting our eyes, directed us to Dr Sawyer’s office.

The next ten minutes spent waiting for him were pure torture. When he finally came in with Ben’s records, he didn’t seem to know what to say. I remember asking him something, to which he answered, "We’ll talk." At that point, I asked why he couldn’t just tell us what was going on. Then he said the words that would change our lives forever. "Benji has a brain tumor." I remember looking over at Rick and he had the calmest look on his face. Almost as if Dr. Sawyer just told him it was going to rain. His expression just stayed the same. Dr Sawyer, then started saying words like cancer, surgery, astrocytoma, Cooks medical center. Words that made no sense and didn’t fit into OUR family. All I could think was "My God, this is how we’re going to lose him." We’re going to LOSE him. I had never heard of anyone surviving a brain tumor. I felt so sad that he would not get to do all those normal things. I worried about how Josh would take possibly losing his best friend. I wondered if Grace would remember the brother who called her goose and loved her so much. This is what it’s like to be told your child has cancer.

I called Glenmore Elementary and a secretary answered the phone. I blurted out the news and she put the school counselor on the phone immediately. We then went to the school and talked with her about the situation and how we would tell Benji his life as he knew it was over. Again, it struck me how utterly gorgeous the weather was that day. I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted him to have that innocence.It was like if I didn’t tell him, then it wasn’t real.

The rest of that day was a flurry of phone calls and appointments to get Benji ready for surgery. Opthamology, Neurology, neurosurgery, oncology. The list of appointments grew. We made arrangements for my mother in law to come care for Josh and Grace while we dealt with Benji. That evening we took the kids to the park. I sat and stared and prayed. I prayed almost constantly during that time. Nothing eloquent, just please God, let me keep him. . That day was a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Everytime I woke up that night, it was just "Please God, Please God. over and over.

Benji’s school handled everything so graciously. His teacher and the school counselor told his first grade class and they all hugged a teddy bear to send with Benji.

One of Benji’s teachers said that the counselor called a meeting with every teacher that had worked with the boys. this teacher said that everyone was devastated. I was devastated to hear this because I just wanted my child to be one of the gang, not the child with the brain tumor.

The school raised three hundred dollars in two hours. This enabled us to pay for lodging while waiting to get into the Ronald McDonald house. Benji was actually able to go to school during this time between appointments.

One day was April Fools day. What I wouldn’t have given to be able to say April Fools. This is all a joke. We wore out a path between Angelo and Dallas. The Bluebonnets were spectactular that year, but I barely noticed.

His surgery was April Fourth and praise God, he’s been tumor free ever since. We live in San Antonio now. Benji is 22. Today he and I are spending the day together. The bluebonnets are out and they remind me of that sad time all those years ago when I thought I would lose my child.

Well, now this child is all grown up, is living his best life, working full time and has moved out on his own. I'm so thankful for Benji and the amazing young man he's become. I love you, Benji! #endchildhoodcancer

April 4th 2003.

It was eleven years ago today that my son Benji had surgery to remove a brain tumor. I spent the last precious preop moments memorizing Benji and telling him how precious he is and how much we love him. How happy he makes everybody who meets him. I sent him to surgery knowing that I said everything that needed to be said.

During the surgery, time slowed down and sped up. i remember some things vividly, and other things are a blur. I remember the Muslim couple with their prayer rug, and their worried faces. I remember the male nurse who came in, and called this couple out of the room. They never returned.

The OR nurse would call every hour or so and update me. Each call would keep me going for another hour or so, so I never panicked.

My pastor, music minister and children's minister flew in, and played UNO with us. I won just about every game. I wonder if they let me win. Looking back, if I could've seen the shape I was in, I would've let me win too.
We ate munchies from a care package sent by the Joy school director, and talked about how special Benji was to us.

Then Dr. Shapiro came and spoke to us. Our pastor joined us in the hallway, much to the surgeon's chagrin. I remember looking at the surgeon's shoes, looking for Benji's blood, and feeling an odd mixture of relief and nausea that there was no blood. He told us that he believed he got all the tumor, but he would have to see another MRI.

I went into Recovery to see him, not knowing what to expect. A very sweet nurse met me at the door, and when I told her I was Benji's mom, she went on about how sweet and adorable Benji was. I went to his bedside, and indeed he was being sweet and adorable. Little innocent, sleepy smile on his face. He was feeling no pain. His tongue was swollen from the tube, and he wasn't thrilled about the tubes and IVs, but he was fine. The scar was a surprise, but all this time later, it's still a suprise sometimes.

The next few hours were a blur, getting him all settled in ICU.
Benji's surgeon suggested to us that we go back to the house, have a meal, come back and say goodnight, then go back to the house, and sleep. Best suggestion that man could've had.

I slept like a rock that night!!

Here we are at eight years. Benji is eighteen years old now. We're so blessed to have him here with us. He's fixing to graduate high school and has an awesome future ahead of him.